The Biggest Surprise of my Life.

About 2 weeks ago, I got one of the biggest surprises of my life....at that point

We are pregnant. 

Wait, wait wait...allow me to finish your sentence for you....

"What? How? OMG? WTF? How the hell? Isn't Holden only like 4 months old? Weren't you breastfeeding? Didn't you do IVF to FINALLY get pregnant with your boys? OMG? What? How the hell?"

MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY! 

And if you throw in a few tears, insane bouts of laughter, and a whole lot of thinking "OMG, what the hell am I going to do with 2 babies in 12 months" then you will have reacted the exact same way I did. 

I wrote few posts when I first found out, that I will now publish (backdated, of course). I was not ready to come clean yet, and we are still keeping it very quite. But my blog doesn't count as telling people right? HAHA! We are trying to stay positive that this pregnancy will end with a baby and not a miscarriage. However given our history, that is not guaranteed. 

However today at our first ultrasound we received an even bigger surprise.

TWINS!!! 

OMG? How in the world did this happen.

 Natural Surprise Twins, after two IVF cycles. 

I almost fell off the table, when I saw those two heartbeats on the screen today at my Dr's appointment. 

I wasn't sure if I wanted to laugh, cry, or throw up. 

Finally I just had to laugh!

Today, I am 6 weeks and due on November 14, 2012 

(Holdens due date was November 9, 2011)
Both babies had a heartbeat of 120!!

Miracle? Yes! CRAZY? OMG Yes!!!!!

Mike and I are BOTH still in shock. We have been here before when I was pregnant with London, so we are cautiously optimistic that everything will work out. 

3 babies in 12 months! OMG!

If you know me IRL or on Facebook, I am NOT ready to come out of the closet yet, so please don't mention it there yet! Thanks!

 Now, go read the earlier three posts to get caught up.
The one where I find out I'm pregnant!
The one with my first Dr Appointment and first beta!
The one with the second beta!

The Hunger Games!!

Can I tell you all how freaking excited I am about this movie!!

(*I removed the super awesome countdown because the music on it was driving me crazy*)
I am such a dork, I have become a bit obsessed with these books, and now the movie. 
It is no secret that I walk around my house randomly screaming"Peeta Mallark" in my best Effie Trinket accent. 
I have forced almost everyone I know to read these books, but I'm still working on Mike though. I've pretty much told him the ENTIRE story like three times so he is in no real rush to read them haha. 
I am going to watch this movie on Thursday night at midnight. Yes, I know I have a 5 month old. And yes I know he still does not sleep very wel, so I should be catching up on sleep instead of heading to the movies.  And yes I also know I will be exhausted on Friday, but not too exhausted to go see it again that night. HAHAHA! 
Yes, I am going to see it Thursday at midnight, and then again on Friday night. See I TOLD you I was excited about this one!
How can you not be excited about The Hunger Games movie when the cast looks like this...

Hello Gale!!!
So who else is excited about next Friday? 

So Far So Good!

My first beta was 485 and there was 4 days between them so we wanted it to be between 1800 and 2000. 

Yesterday my second came back at 2690! 

That is a doubling time of every 36 hours. Doubling every 48 hours is what they want to see, so every 36 hours is GREAT!

So far so good! My Dr should be calling me at some point today and letting me know what the next step is in this CRAZY process. I’m thinking we will probably have another ultrasound next week to look for a heartbeat. 

If all goes well there, I am going to let the cat out of the bag on my main blog. We are cautiously optimistic about the outcome of this pregnancy. Fingers Crossed everything goes smoothly over the next few months. 

Dr Appointment Update

So Thursday was my very first Dr’s appointment of this pregnancy. You should have seen the faces of all the nurses and ultrasound techs to see me back on the OB side of the office. One even tried to walk me to the GYN side until I told her I was pregnant again hahaha!  I went in for the ultrasound and saw NOTHING! Not even a sack. Based on my last missed period, I should be about 5.5 weeks, so I was really expecting to see at the very least a sack and possibly fetal pole. 

I immediately assumed the worst. However, since I have only had two very irregular periods since having Holden, we knew there was a possibility that our dates could be wrong. 

The Dr decided we needed to do two betas (blood tests) to help us figure out what was going on. Thankfully, I know how to handle this part of the process as it’s very common in the world of infertility. Pull the first beta, then wait 48 hours, and pull another. If the first number doubles in 48 hours, it is the first sign of a healthy pregnancy. 

My level from Thursday was 485. So this number combined with my personal bedroom calendar (No, I don’t really keep one of those, but Mike was out of town a few times so I know the few dates that it could possibly have happened.) It looks like we are right on track to be 5 weeks today. 

You can’t see anything on a ultrasound until your beta is over 1000. So having a beta of 485 explains why we didn’t see anything in the uterus. It was just too early.

I go back on Monday for my second beta. Since it will have been 4 days since my last beta we are expecting it to double twice Today, 48 hours after my beta was drawn, it should be around 1000.  And on Monday it should have doubled again and be around 2000 (although anything above 1700 will still be considered good).

I am assuming that if all looks good at the betas, I will have another ultrasound sometime the following week, when I am 6.5 weeks-ish. This way we can check for not only a sack but also a heartbeat. 

I’m a lot less scared about this now. Sure having another pregnancy and baby this soon is going to be tough, but I’m taking this as a personal challenge from God. I mean after 2 IVF cycles, only 4 months after having a baby, and while exclusively breastfeeding, we fall pregnant. What are the chances? If this isn’t a test from God, I’m not sure what it is. 

I may not sleep for the next 3 years, but it will all be OK! Didn’t I just get that new coffee maker? I’m gonna need it!

I'm Pregnant!

Yes, you read that right! I am pregnant again. How the hell did this happen? I mean after all I did not go to the Dr put my feet up in stirrups and have him manually inject embryos into my uterus. That is the only way we have ever gotten pregnant before, so for the life of me I can’t figure out how we got here.

I once read that people get pregnant from sex, but quickly dismissed that theory because Mike and I tried that. I only ever got pregnant after being hopped up on hormones and having a needle shoved up my lady bits.

No matter how it happened, the fact of the matter is that I AM PREGNANT AGAIN!

I wish I could sit here and tell you all that I want to scream this from the roof tops and dance around my living room with elation like I have both times in the past. However this time, I am TERRIFIED!

I have a 3 year old and a 4 month old right now. I’m exhausted all the time because Holden doesn’t sleep yet. I’m still fat and feeling gross from the baby I had only 4 MONTHS AGO! I am NOT ready to go through another high risk pregnancy again.  I have difficult pregnancies. How am I supposed to take it easy and do modified bedrest starting at about 24 weeks if I have a 8 month old (AND a 3 year old!) IMPOSSIBLE!

Holden and the new baby will be about (if not less) than a year apart! OMG! Just take a minute and think about life with a 3.5 year old, 1 year old, and NEWBORN!

I know all of that will be fine eventually. I know once the baby gets here I will figure everything out, but you can’t blame me for being terrified about it now.

I’m happy(ish) I am  just really overwhelmed by the whole idea of having another baby so soon.

Mike on the other hand is THRILLED! He keeps laughing and smiling, it’s almost making me feel bad. He is right, we are married,  financially stable, and even have the extra space. It’s not like we as a family won’t be able to handle this…my fear is that I won’t be able to handle this with my sanity still intact.  

Another thing that I am afraid of is NOT HAVING THE BABY! Let’s face the facts, Mike and I have been pregnant 4 times naturally over the years, each and everyone ended in a relatively early (before 8 weeks) miscarriage. While I am NOT doing back flips about being pregnant right now, I sure as hell DON’T want to go through another miscarriage.  This another reason why I can’t seem to get excited about having another baby. Right now, even though I am pregnant, it is just a possibility that we will end up with a baby in the end.

For this reason, we are not quite ready to tell everyone IRL, and most of our friends and family read my main blog. I didn’t want to NOT blog about this new pregnancy for a full 12 weeks so I decided to start this private blog, invite the few of you who know, and then eventually import the posts into the other blog when the cat is out of the bag.

I have an ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow Thurs March 8 at 2 pm. I’m not expecting much since I THINK I am only about 5w2d. However it will give us a much better idea of a due date. Wow, I can’t believe I am pregnant and don’t know how far along I am. This will definitely be a new experience for us.

Holden's Day At The Hospital!

Yesterday was quite possibly the worst day of my life. A few weeks ago I uttered those words aloud while referencing having to hold a screaming 3 month old while getting a pap smear. True story! Yeah, little did I know that statement became a personal challenge to God.

Yesterday, on the very rare February 29th, Holden had his very first hospital visit.

Grab a cup of coffee, coke, or wine (no other beverages will be allowed during this story)

Feb 29th I wake up at 5:30 am, feeling nauseous. I quickly checked my calendar, realized my period was late, and PURE PANIC ENSUED! Within about 2 minutes, I heard Holden throw up, and realized that I was NOT pregnant. (No idea how I thought we could have a surprise pregnancy after 2 IVF babies, but I guess weirder things have happened. I am just NOT ready to get pregnant right now!) So now I'm panicking that my 4 month old is puking EVERYWHERE! About that time I have to put him down and run the the bathroom to puke myself.

Our morning pretty much continues with rotating puking sessions until about 8 am and I call the doctor. They told me to come straight in because we couldn't get Holden to keep anything down. I started feeling a *little* bit better, and managed to only puke ONCE on the way there. Mike came home from work to keep a currently healthy London.When we got there, the Dr noticed that Holden was starting to show signs of dehydration and sent us straight to the hospital.

About this point I either was miraculously healed or mommy adrenaline kicked in. I'm going to guess the latter.

We got to the hospital and they tried to set up an IV on Holden (keep in mind this is a children's hospital, so they do have plenty of experience with little guys). They had to stick Holden 5 times to finally get his IV in. For those who are thinking, "oh they had to stab him 4 times with a needle, that sucks" Um NO! He was so dehydrated they couldn't find a decent vein. They would stab him then hunt around in his arm for several minutes until they finally hit a vein and blew it. This happened 4 times! I was sobbing and Holden was hysterical.

Finally they agreed to try to give him some pedialyte to help rehydrate him thus making his veins easier to hit.

Thankfully this worked because I wouldn't let them "fish" in him anymore until they promised me they could actually get it in! The 5th time was a charm and Holden had his IV set...in his foot.

It was amazing how much he started feeling better as the fluid went in. Slowly but surely he started laughing and cooing at me. Back to my normal precious baby boy with in about 30 minutes!

By today we are both feeling great! London and Mike however are a totally different story, both of them were sick.Good time, Good times.

Hum, sounds very familiar to a story I told 2 months ago huh? UGH!

Well I better go, I need to catch up on American Idol. I'm starting to hear some things about the shows and I need to watch the episodes before I accidentally see the results on "The Facebook or The Twitter".

Happy Birthday To Me!!

Sunday was my 31st birthday! Yes, I will wait a minute while you stop gasping in amazement. THIRTY FREAKING ONE YEARS OLD!!

Okay I know it is shocking since ya know, I only look 21 at most. HAHAHA! The good news is I have kept my sense of sarcasm in my old age. It is after all my most prized possession.

So Sunday my hubs completely spoiled me!

First we went and ate Japanese food for lunch! Big ups to my friend Danielle who on 10 minutes notice agreed to keep London for us so we could go. It was DELICIOUS!

Next Mike took London to store for like two hours. It was GLORIOUS! Holden actually took a nap and shockingly so did I!

Then when Mike and London got home, and London proudly announced "Daddy cleaned your car". We all walked outside, after cutting the cake they also brought home, and saw my freshly cleaned and vacuumed car.

As if that wasn't awesome enough, I walked back in to see this beauty sitting on the kitchen counter.

What's your favorite K-cup?

The note, written on an empty envelope none the less, says: 

Lover,
Pretend that I'm a very romantical red bow. And that I am wrapped. Thanks.
Always, Mike

Who says romance dies when you get married? Well it kinda does but that is when your true sense of humor kicks in. I think the funny note was my favorite part of the day. :)

Today is London's Birthday! His is 3 years old, can you believe it?  I will update with a bunch of pictures of his birthday party tomorrow. It was Angry Bird themed, and we had a blast.