Survival!!!!!

Phew! It feels so good to be back! To say things have been a little crazy over the last 7 weeks would be a TOTAL understatement. Having 4 kids is CRAZY!!! 

So I have alot to catch you up on so lets go back a few weeks. 

On Oct 19th our beautiful twin girls were born. 

Here is my last belly picture before they were born! 

36w2d with Twins 

I can not believe I was ever that big!

Since Greysen was born vaginally and Harper was born via emergency c-section, I had one hell of a recovery. Thankfully all of my family and friends were AMAZING and provided us with meals for 2 weeks! 

This is where I spent most of those first 2 weeks (before Mike had to go back to work) 

The boys have done REALLY well with adjusting to the girls. 

Sweet Holden LOVES them and kisses them every chance he gets. That kiss is usually preceded by a headbutt and followed up with a slap in the face. 

But hey, A KISS IS A KISS!!

London is a little less enthusiastic. Sure he loves his baby sisters but he has only held them once. 

When the girls were born they looked EXACTLY alike. To the point that when we left the hospital, we painted Greysen's nails so we wouldn't mix them up. We even thought about having them tested to see if they are identical, however as time passes they look less and less alike.  They were Di/Di twins so more then likely they are fraternal, but there is still about a 25% chance they could be identical. 

Greysen Elizabeth

Harper Elliot

Harper and Greysen

More Recent , this was last week when they were 6 weeks old. 

OK, so now to the GOOD STUFF!

Having four children this close in age is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 

 HARD! No I didn't just fall asleep on the "o" key (I needed to clarify that because I am so tired these days,  that there is always that possibility). I am in 100% survival mode. Let me tell you a little something about having kids. When you have one you think.."Omg, this is so hard. I can't imagine having two kids". Then when you have two kids you think..."Omg, how did I ever think one kid was hard. This is freaking impossible" Then 11 months later when you end up with baby number 3 and 4 you think..."Omg, Screw it! Is it time to drink yet?"

Simple things like taking that adorable one month picture, become such a task that you end up doing it 10 days late. And then instead of the 75 pictures you take in hopes of getting that perfect shot like you did with the first two kids...you take this picture while screaming "Holden stop eating those cheerios you just found under the couch cushion...oh hell, never mind you're quiet, keep eating." Look down check the picture and say "GOOD E-DAMN-NOUGH"

You eventually learn that it is really a successful day as long as all 4 children are alive and unharmed at bedtime. So what if London's diet consisted of 4 nurtigrain bars and a hotdog. He ate right. So what if I started crying when all four kids were crying for almost 2 hours straight. The day eventually ended, right about the time Mike got home and I chugged a glass of boxed wine out of a red solo cup. We survived RIGHT! So-freaking-what if I bribed Holden with a ring pop to quietly sit in his high chair for 30 mins so I could change and nurse the girls without fear of flying toys nailing them in the head. SO WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!

At the end of the day we are all happy, healthy, and in my case....slightly buzzed. 

(Yeah and I give the girls a nightly bottle of formula....SO WHAT!!!)

It's these moments that make it all worth it. 

This is our CRAZY life now and we are surviving and LOVING every minute of it!

And I don't even have time to proof read this post...

SO WHAT!

35 weeks

So here we are at 35 weeks! I can't believe it! Lets see, I think another update is required.

First of all last week, at 33w6d, my Dr sent me to the hospital for 2 nights. I had gone from being 2cms dilated at 32 weeks to 4cms at almost 34 weeks. Add that to the fact that I was having contractions every 2-3 mins and that was enough to earn me a hospital stay and some steroid shots for the girls lungs. Thankfully things slowed down and I was allowed to go home 2 days later.

At my 34 week appt (a few days after coming home from the hospital) I found out that baby b (Harper) had flipped and is now breech. Ugh, my Drs are still going to let me try a vaginal delivery since baby A (Greysen) is still head down, but baby b being breech will complicate things if they can't get her out after Greysen is delivered. I may just end up with the double whammy and have one vaginally and one via csection. I can't even begin to think about that recovery.

I'm also 5 cms dilated now. My dr was shocked to see me at my 35 week appt. but apparently these girls are comfy. As uncomfortable as I am, I would really like them to stay put at least until 36 weeks so that we can dodge the NICU. The drs are going to induce me on the 19th if they haven't arrived by then. That is exactly one day before Holden's first birthday. Since we will be in the hospital for his birthday, we'll throw him a little party in a few weeks, thank goodness he doesn't know the date yet!

I went yesterday and got my hair and toes done, so the girls are officially allowed to come now!

Sorry this update is so choppy, my computer is down right now so I'm updating from my phone.

26 weeks and a lot of catching up to do.

OMG, I have gone almost two months without posting. I'm pretty sure this is a whole new level of  "disappearing".

I'm going to admit, I have no drive to blog these days. It's horrible and I wish I was better but so many more things come before my blog right now. Any yes, I'm talking about these two monkeys...

Notice Holden's new haircut! 

Before: 

And After: 

Ugh, he looks like such a big boy!

Here is a little update about Holden, aka: Holdy-Holds, aka: Tootsy Pooter, aka: Toosie. At 9 months old and 20 lbs now, he is all over the place. He is standing on his own, and cruising between furniture. He tries so hard to get up and go with London and frankly gets pretty annoyed when he can't keep up.

He and London are really starting to play together, its so freaking cute. You have to keep an eye on London though, he tends to get pretty rough forgetting that Holden is still a baby. Holden is one tough cookie though and rarely cries. Not a single tear was shed when London left a big bruise on his forehead by throwing a Gerber Puffs container across the room. Who knew a plastic container could be such a dangerous weapon in the hands of a 3 year old.

London is CRAZY as usual and spends most of his days either playing Angry Birds, begging to play Angry Birds, or playing real life Angry birds with his blocks and toy birds. Combine that with his Plants vs Zombie obsession, and we have a real gamer on our hands. I can only imagine how hard it's going to be to pry him away from his games as a teenager. As you can imagine our little trip to Chuckie Cheese was pure heaven for a gamer like him. Although he still made some time for the Monster Truck, he definitely did NOT appreciate me taking pictures of him while he was in it. 

These two monkeys have also kept me extremely busy recently...

Here are the twins at 25 weeks. 

Greysen Elizabeth

AND

 Harper Elliot 

(finally she has a middle name) 

I'm 26 weeks now...and in some ways this pregnancy has been my easiest. But in MOST way this has been the most difficult pregnancy EVER!

Here I was last week.

First off the easy parts: NO BED REST!!! (yet!) 

While my cervix is measuring short (the main reason I was put on bed rest with Holden), its nothing too drastic and is actually longer than it was last pregnancy. However I think there is an explanation for that. Last pregnancy, I felt great and London and I were trying to keep busy over the summer by almost daily taking trips to the zoo and children's museum. However this pregnancy I can barely walk so needless to say I have been taking it very easy over the last few weeks. I also have not had much preterm labor. By 24 weeks with both boys I had been hospitalized for at least a few days with contractions. Not this time though. Sure I have had some contractions, but nothing some water and laying on my left side can't fix. 

The hard parts: I CAN'T FREAKING WALK! I am seriously falling apart. I'm like a 90 year old woman over here. I have Pubic Symphysis Diastasis or in other words my pubic bone/hips feel like they are about to snap in half. Add that to the fact that I get heart burn just from drinking a glass of water. I've also had like 3 or 4 blood vessels in my eyes pop. So I have red eyes and look like I'm stoned half the time. It's pretty awesomeful. I already feel like I'm 35 weeks pregnant, and can barely roll over in the middle of the night. But who needs to roll over when you have to sleep sitting up. UGH!!! Okay I'm done whining (for now)!

Anyway, I'm forgetful and exhausted all the time (Okay so maybe I wasn't done whining) which is why I haven't been posting recently but I'm HOPING to get better about it soon. Oh who am I kidding?  I'm about to have 4 kids under 4, and 3 under 1. This is only going to get worse over the next 12 months. I'll do the best I can though. Especially in the up coming weeks as I prepare for the girls arrival.

It's Two....

GIRLS!!!

I can not even begin to wrap my mind around the idea of having two girls! We are sooooooooooooo stinking excited and thrilled to be finishing our family with two miracle little girls.

So introducing...

Greysen Elizabeth 

Aka: Baby A

AND

Harper (middle name not yet determined) 

AKA: Baby B

NT Scan

As you can tell by the title of this post, I had my NT Scan today. Both babies looked FABULOUS!!! They were kicking each other and doing flips. Pretty typical stuff for our family, so I am sure they will fit in really well around our house. :)

The ultrasound tech was really cranky an refused to take a peak between their legs. It would be just for fun since I definitely wouldn't trust a gender determination at 13 weeks, but she said no. She wasn't my usual lady though, so I didn't argue. At the end of the u/s she said "Well I didn't look between their legs, but I didn't see any penises flying around" HAHA! No worries though, we will be having another ultrasound on May 30th. As long as the babies cooperate we will be finding out their genders then.

A few questions I have gotten in my comments recently....what do I THINK the babies are? 2 boys. Because since I have 2 boys already it's hard to imagine actually adding a girl to this family.

What do we want? 2 healthy babies, but then again EVERYONE wants that. So if I got to choose I would pick, one boy and one girl. My logic...I don't want Holden to ever feel like the lost middle child. Can you even imagine if it's twin girls how he might feel lost in the cute twin baby girl craze. If it's a boy and girl, then Holden and the boy will be more like the twins growing up. IDK, that is just my totally crazy lady ramblings right now.

ANYWAY!!!

Here are our BABIES at 13 weeks!!

Baby A

 Baby B

12 weeks Twins!

OMG, it has finally started to sink in that we are going to have twins. Yeah, I know we have had a while to adjust to this news, but with several miscarriages in our past we have tried to distance ourselves a bit from this pregnancy. Well today at my 12 week ultrasound, two adorable BABIES were thrown in my face (in the best possible way!) While watching the ultrasound, I witnessed my babies kicking each other in the head. Baby  B was trying to do a flip (head over feet) and Baby A was letting him/or her have it for disturbing his rest. Finally Baby B was able to flip around and dish it right back out to Baby A. It hit me at that moment, OMG I'M GOING TO HAVE TWINS! This is by far that craziest thing that has ever happened in my life. If I didn't believe in God before, there was no doubt of his existence today while watching my tiny twins first wresting match.

I prayed for these babies...while we were in the throws of infertility. I cried for these babies...each and every cycle that ended with a BFN. I fought for these babies....during both of our IVF cycles while I tried to find the time, money, and energy to add to our family. God just had other plans about WHEN these babies would arrive. He sure is a prankster!

Anyway! It's official, I'm 12 weeks now and have accepted that we are REALLY having twins. It's even Facebook official. :) I made this super cute (if I do say so myself) announcement today!

Oh and check out my new super cute header too! :) Thanks Ashley!

Babies Update

Ahhh, I am so sorry for my absence! It's just that I have been SOOOOOOO exhausted. I've been asleep every night for the last 2 weeks by like 8pm. I seriously can barely function during the day. I'm one step away from being narcoleptic. Oh and the nausea...it really is twice as bad with two.

Anyway, I had my 9 week ultrasound on Friday. I was super nervous. I had loaned my doppler to a friend, because I was NOT expecting to need it for a few years hahaha! Well she was kind enough to mail it back to me. At first I couldn't find a heartbeat which worried me, but I kept trying and finally found one. Yep, just one. You can't find twin heartbeats on a doppler because they usually mask each other.

At least one heartbeat is a good sign though, I went into the appointment KNOWING at the very least that I was still pregnant. A huge plus when you have had several early m/c.

Luckily, both babies looked FABULOUS!! Both measured right on track at 9w3d. and Baby A had a heartbeat of 171 and Baby B 164. Each baby was moving around and kicking it's legs and arms. A-FREAKING-DORABLE!

The pictures from this ultrasound were REALLY crappy. She did it on the top of the tummy this time, so they were just poor quality pictures.

Since I don't have and utrasound pictures to share today, how about the first belly shot from this pregnancy? I will warn you...

1) This is a 3rd baby so I expected to show a little earlier this time.
2) I had a baby 5 months ago so I still have a belly from that pregnancy.
3) It's twins! So I'm a little bigger from that too.

Still I have no idea WHY I already look 20 weeks pregnant. 

Has the Twins Shock Subsided for You?

No? It hasn't for us either.

I go back and forth between denial and freaking out.

Mike and I are worried about totally different things. Mike is stressing about the pregnancy. He is worried about losing one of the babies like we did when I was pregnant with London (we lost his twin at 11 weeks). Also we all know my pregnancies are not the easiest. I end up on bed rest about 24 weeks, thanks to good old preterm labor and stay there until my child comes early around 37 weeks. Now throw being pregnant with twins, and having a 3.5 year old and 9 month old into that equation. The pregnancy its self is going to be CRAZY! I totally understand where he is coming from

I, however, am freaking out about how we are going to handle things once the babies come out! I will have 3 under one! In some ways it will be ALOT like having triplets. I'm worried about the additional financial burden (I would really like to hire some help, but we will have to completely redo our budget and cut some corners to pay for help AND the additional costs of having 2 more kids.

Please don't get me wrong, we really are excited. But we are completely overwhelmed right now. This time last week I was overwhelmed by the idea of having just ONE more baby right now, and to find out its twins has just thrown me into total woman crazy mode.

Morning sickness and exhaustion has just started for me this pregnancy. It's like double of both. I wake up every morning feeling like I'm hung over. It sucks! As long as I don't allow myself to get hungry, I don't throw up.

I also forgot to mention that my next Dr Appt will be on April 13 when I am 9w2d. Wow that seems like such a long wait!

The Biggest Surprise of my Life.

About 2 weeks ago, I got one of the biggest surprises of my life....at that point

We are pregnant. 

Wait, wait wait...allow me to finish your sentence for you....

"What? How? OMG? WTF? How the hell? Isn't Holden only like 4 months old? Weren't you breastfeeding? Didn't you do IVF to FINALLY get pregnant with your boys? OMG? What? How the hell?"

MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY! 

And if you throw in a few tears, insane bouts of laughter, and a whole lot of thinking "OMG, what the hell am I going to do with 2 babies in 12 months" then you will have reacted the exact same way I did. 

I wrote few posts when I first found out, that I will now publish (backdated, of course). I was not ready to come clean yet, and we are still keeping it very quite. But my blog doesn't count as telling people right? HAHA! We are trying to stay positive that this pregnancy will end with a baby and not a miscarriage. However given our history, that is not guaranteed. 

However today at our first ultrasound we received an even bigger surprise.

TWINS!!! 

OMG? How in the world did this happen.

 Natural Surprise Twins, after two IVF cycles. 

I almost fell off the table, when I saw those two heartbeats on the screen today at my Dr's appointment. 

I wasn't sure if I wanted to laugh, cry, or throw up. 

Finally I just had to laugh!

Today, I am 6 weeks and due on November 14, 2012 

(Holdens due date was November 9, 2011)
Both babies had a heartbeat of 120!!

Miracle? Yes! CRAZY? OMG Yes!!!!!

Mike and I are BOTH still in shock. We have been here before when I was pregnant with London, so we are cautiously optimistic that everything will work out. 

3 babies in 12 months! OMG!

If you know me IRL or on Facebook, I am NOT ready to come out of the closet yet, so please don't mention it there yet! Thanks!

 Now, go read the earlier three posts to get caught up.
The one where I find out I'm pregnant!
The one with my first Dr Appointment and first beta!
The one with the second beta!

The Pity Party Is Over!

Ok, I'm done! I gave myself a good 12 hours to bathe in self pity, but now I have to move on. I still have a baby counting on me. I can't let stress or emotions endanger this babies life as well. Of course, Mike and I are still sad about the loss of "Baby B" but at least we had him for a little while. While I was waiting to find out if IVF had worked for us, I never once cared if it was twins or not. Honestly, a few of you might remember that I was CONVINCED that it was only one baby and I told everyone I thought it was a girl. It wasn't until I had that ultrasound that showed twins that I even cared how many were in there. The fact of the matter is, the only thing I cared about when that second pink line showed up was that it meant I was pregnant. That fact still remains. I AM STILL PREGNANT. Sure, I will always miss Baby B and always think about the "what-if's" but I can't go through the rest of this pregnancy like that. I owe it to "Baby A" to remember every second of this pregnancy as the exhilarating miracle that it is. I owe it to Greysen, so that one day when I'm sitting on the side of her bed, I can tell her what a amazing blessing that she truly is. I don't want to look back at the time when I was carrying her and have any feelings of sadness. I want to look back and remember that I was pregnant with twins but GAVE BIRTH to a single baby, not that I was pregnant with twins and miscarried one.

I AM STILL PREGNANT!

We lost one of the twins :(

Well Mike and I went in for my 11w1d u/s today and got the bad news that Baby B died about a week ago. Its crazy to me because we had an ultrasound only a few days before it happened and he or she had a strong heartbeat and looked great. I know this sometimes happens with Twins but after 10 weeks, I just wasn't expecting it. I guess no one ever does though. Baby A (Who will from now on just be "THE BABY" ) Looked great, very healthy, and measuring right on track. It was so cool, we could see it kicking and wiggling its arms and moving all around. It's a fully formed baby now. They also told us that they think The Baby is a girl!!! She warned us that it's still early and plenty of room for error, but by the way the baby looked today from a couple of different angles, she definitely thought it was a GIRL!

I'm doing OK, I really don't think the news about baby B has sunk in yet. It's almost like I'm numb. I'm sure things will start to sink in over the next few days, however for now I'm just trying to focus on the amazing pictures of our one surviving baby!

My First Belly Pics!!

Seriously, If I keep growing at this rate, I'm going to be the size of a HOUSE in a few months. I guess having 2 in there really does make a big difference. I was told that you usually measure about 6-8 weeks larger when you have Twins. That MUST be the case here. I look HUGE and I've only gained 2 lbs. It's Crazy!

Double Digits!!

Well this week marks my 10th week of pregnancy! We are officially in double digits now. I feel like things are really starting to look up. The sickness is starting to fade away. Food is a little bit repulsive still, but it's not nearly as hard to find stuff that doesn't make me puke. I am still starving and feel sick if I don't eat RIGHT AWAY but at least now it's easier to find things to eat. I really hope that the sickness is going away for good and doesn't come back over the next few weeks. I was reading one of my Twin pregnancy books and it says to try to eat 170g of protein a day. WHAT!?!? How the heck am I going to do that. I guess I need to start getting creative with my diet.

Back from the Dr...

And the appt went great today, both the little ones measured right on track of 9w1d with Heartbeats of 170 and 179. I was so excited because the Dr told me that since we have made it this far and the babies have such strong growth and heartrates, he said my m/c rate has dropped to about 2-3%, that was music to my ears!! Today was also the first time they did an abdominal u/s instead of a transvaginal, which was great. I actually felt like a pregnant woman pulling up my shirt and getting the gel squeezed on my belly. It's crazy how you can love something so much even when they are just the size of a paper clip HAHAHA!!

What a relief!!

Well today, I had quite a scare. Let me start this out by saying EVERYTHING IS FINE!!!

Today started out just as normal as can be. However at around 2pm as I went to the bathroom for the MILLIONTH time, I noticed I was bleeding. I immediately FREAKED OUT! I quickly called my Dr who told me to come in right away. 15 min later I was laying half-naked on the ultrasound table. I was terrified, I was beyond positive that I was having another miscarriage. On the way to the Dr., I called Mike, who really didn't know what to say to calm me down, and honestly, there was nothing he could say. Anyway, to make this long story short, the babies are FINE! The ultrasound showed a small bleed in my uterus, probably that started out as an implantation "bruise" that ruptured. The Dr said not to worry about it, and it should stop bleeding in the next few hours (which it did).
The babies both had GREAT heartbeats, and wow, they had grown SOOOOOOO much over the past week. Baby B is no longer measuring behind, both are now measuring right on track at 7w4d. Their heart rates were Baby A: 167 and Baby B: 150. It was such a huge relief to see them again. This time they even looked like babies, Ok, well actually more like gummy bears, but at least they are no longer BLOBS :) I will scan the pictures and post them tomorrow, I must warn you though, they are pretty darn cute!!! I mean look at the pics in yesterdays post if you need conformation HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

IT'S TWINS!!!

Yep you read that right!!

TWINS!!!

I got to see both babies heartbeats. Baby A measured right on track with a heartbeat of 122, and Baby B measured 3 days behind with a heartbeat of 110. The Dr was NOT concerned with Baby B being smaller because he/she still fell with in the healthy size/heartbeat range.

It was so amazing to see their little hearts beating, I was a sobbing mess laying on that ultra sound table.
They gave me two REALLY cute u/s pictures. HERE THEY ARE!!!


Oh on a side note: I puked this morning, let the morning sickness begin!!!