Showing posts with label Fears. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fears. Show all posts

Monday, June 14, 2010


10 babies?!?!

On the tail of announcing our plans to start IVF # 2 this coming winter, I had a CRAZY nightmare dream about it last night. I know, I know. Nothing is more boring than when someone says "OMG, let me tell you my dream".  I mean, let's be serious people, I wasn't there when you were running from that 5 headed armadillo. I wasn't emotionally invested in the situation, so please don't expect me to care that it was so "real". I feel like dream telling always ends with "It was weird, I guess you had to be there", and if it doesn't end like that I can guarantee that the person listening is thinking that.

With that said...OMG, you need to hear this dream, it felt so REAL!

Last night I had a dream that we had done IVF #2 and decided to put only one embryo back in for fear of high order multiples. Well wouldn't you know it, that one embryo had split into 10 babies. Decuplets, which is what I learned they would be called this morning thanks to a pig breeding website. By definition most things only have one best part, but without a doubt this one had TWO!
The Best Part #1) They were all Boys!!
The Best Part #2) I didn't find out until the 20 week ultrasound that there was 10 of them.

Why are those the best parts?

#1) I want a little girl. This is not exactly a secret. Most Mom's want girls, and Dad's want boys. It's what you know. It's what you feel comfortable with. I have a little boy, and I would not trade him for the world. But if I had a little girl first, you can bet the bank that I would want a little boy right now. I really want at least one of each. I want to experience parenting both boys and girls. I am currently flexing my muscles in the art of getting dirty and playing with trucks. I would also love to one day demonstrate my amazing skills in dress up and nail painting departments. We have never actually had this talk, but I am pretty sure that if we had 10 boys Mike would not want to have anymore children. Actually I am pretty sure, I'd be done too. 11 boys?!?! I think even the Duggar's might would stop after Decuplets. Maybe I could adopt a girl? Lets just imagine the money it would take to feed 11 growing boys. No way I could fund an adoption.

#2) Can you imagine at 20 weeks after thinking you had a perfectly normal singleton pregnancy, you get the news that you are actually carrying TEN babies. WHAT?!?! I can not even imagine the logistics of ten babies. We thought Kate had it hard with 6, and then we gasped at Nadia with 8. Aly and Mike would have 10 though!! I am overwhelmed just dreaming about it. Have a I mentioned how petrified I am of multiples this time around. When we were trying to get pregnant with London, I was thrilled at the idea of multiples. I begged my RE to put 3 embryos back in at my ET. I more more afraid of a BFN than I was multiples. When we found out that I was pregnant with twins, I was ecstatic. I felt like we had hit the "buy one get one free" baby sale. This time, I. AM. SCARED. TO. DEATH. In my eyes, twins would be difficult but manageable, however just the thought of triplets or more makes my head hurt. We decided while making our Infertility Plan, that this time we will only put two embryos back. I know we put three back the first time and only end up with London. This time I am more way more scared of multiples than I am a BFN though. I went into preterm labor with a singleton. I can't imagine how my body would react if I was pregnant with 3 or more.

This one dream managed to hit on two of the fears I have with through another IVF cycle. These two fears have been pushed to the very back of my subconscious though. Probably due in part to how petty they are. Would I be upset if I had another boy? ABSOLUTELY NOT. I would LOVE for London to have a little brother. I love my boy and get giddy just thinking about being able to say  "my little boys"  Would I be upset if we had multiples? ABSOLUTELY NOT. I would be scared to death but definitely not upset. So how is it that these 2 silly little fears made it into my dream?

Who knows, but it was weird! I guess you have to have been there.