Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The Unorganized RE Strikes Again

So y'all remember how annoyed I was with my RE last month when they didn't return my calls right? Well it's safe to say, I'm annoyed again. Mike went in for his sperm analysis (aka SA) and infectious disease labs (They just check to make sure he doesn't have HIV or Hep B or anything that could effect a potential baby). It was a real pain in the a$$ to get him to the Dr's office because he is now working nights (Yeah, it sucks but that is a whole different post.). Basically when he gets home from work at around 9 am he goes directly to sleep until about 4 or 5 pm.Well wouldn't you know that the only time that they could do his SA was at 11:30. Right smack in the middle of his "sleepy time".

In order for my poor husband to make it to the Dr office that day he had to come home from work, go to sleep for 2 hours, then get up again and go in. All of thise just to go to a Dr's office and do the uncomfortable deed of depositing a "sample" into a sterile plastic cup.  I'm telling you he is a trooper. On a random side note, leave it to my husband to send me a picture of the room before he got started. It was quite a sight to see with a TV and DVD player and HUGE stack of nudey magazines. Let's just say, I'm very happy that he had to handle that part of the process. Birth Control doesn't sound so bad anymore. Anyway...back to what I was saying. So he took his "sample" to the lab and asked about his blood work.

 (Yes that did deserve all caps, and yes I was yelling it at you hence all the exclamation marks)

He came home and when I asked about his blood work he told me that they didn't need any of his blood. WHAT?!?! AHHHH!! I was so frustrated. So now Mike has to go back at 8:30am on his way home from work on Thursday. As if working all night isn't enough he has to go out of his way and back to the RE's office all because they can't seem to get it together. 

Last time we did IVF through the Army, and  they were way more organized that this Dr's office. They also had almost double the amount of IVF patients and half the of the staff. I wouldn't be so mad except now they are starting to scare me. How am I supposed to trust them to get it all together for my IVF cycle. All it would take is missing just one part of my daily labs or forgetting to call and change my medications and my entire cycle could get cancelled. They better pull this together. I'm really starting to loss faith. 

Ok, I'm done ranting, at least for today anyway. I need to go clean my house. Tonight we are going to get a Christmas tree and decorating the house. You can expect pictures tomorrow. EEEK!! I'm so excited  :)

Sunday, November 28, 2010

An Open Letter to Birth Control.

Dear Birth Control,

I HATE YOU! I know you are just trying to do your job and I respect that. I also know I invited you back into my life. Actually it was more like my RE forced you on me. Something about suppressing my ovaries before IVF, but you're back, in all of your hormonal glory, none the less.

Due to my current infertile situation, you are probably not exactly thrilled to be back in my life either. I am sure my infertility takes away from the main task in your current job, you know that whole "controlling birth" thing. I know that must be really heart warming for you every time you prevent a teenager or young college coed from getting pregnant. I am sure you take those cases back to the office and show them off to your boss in hopes of a big promotion or at the very least a gold star on your warning label. (By the way, what exactly would a promotion be for you? Becoming an IUD?). I must be a real let down for you since I'm definitely not going to get you either of those things. I mean after all what will you say to the big boss man, "But Sir, I managed to keep a woman who can't get pregnant without the help some of the most advanced reproductive technologies from getting pregnant one crazy drunken night in bed." I'm pretty sure that isn't going to win you that Employee of the Month parking spot that you have been longing for all year. So for that, I am sorry.

I know you probably hate me too. I have probably set your forward career progression back by at least a month, maybe two. You see this is not all my fault though. BC... is it OK if I call you BC? Anyway...BC, I am just as much a victim here as you are. I have to deal with all of your nasty side effects like gaining weight, uncontrollable bitchiness, mid cycle spotting, and mood swings. Oh and WTF is up with my face looking like a 13 year old girl right now? I haven't had this many pimples since...well, since I was a 13 year old girl.  I know my body will eventually get used to your presence, but I'm not planning for you to stick around that long. So I get all of your crap but none of your perks.

I just wanted to let you know that while I am not all that fond of you, I do understand that you probably hate me just as much. You do some really great work, and I love you for that. But I am hopeful that this will be our last time working together. Best of luck in the future. I hope that Employee of the Month thing works out you. You deserve it.

Best Wishes and I hope I never see your stupid pill case again,

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today we will be heading down to Savannah for Thanksgiving with my family. I really excited, but have I mentioned how much I HATE to travel? I love traveling when it's just me and Mike, but the logistics of me packing for myself, a 20 month old, and 3 dogs is just a little overwhelming sometimes. It's just so much stuff to organize. It would probably help if I didn't wait until the last minute though. But that is just NOT how I operate.

Anyway, I am going to be out of the loop for a few days. I'm going to try to get my ICLW done while I'm gone but I will probably be loading everyone up on comments on Sunday. I hope all of you have an amazing Thanksgiving. See ya next week!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

ICLW- November

Welcome ICLW!!
If you don't know what ICLW is, don't worry.
 Just click this button to find out all about it. 
My name is Aly.  I am 29 years old and SAHM to our IVF miracle, London. 
Welcome to my little slice of the interwebz. 

This is me with my lil man London.

And these are the boys who have stolen my heart
 (AKA: Mike and London).

Now a little bit about us. 

After 2 years of infertility treatments (due to unexplained IF ) we were finally able to get pregnant with London after our very first IVF cycle.   He was born in February 2009 but I officially have baby fever again. My husband was an Army Captain before getting out a few months ago. It has been quite a transition to the "civilian life" but we are slowly getting used to things on "the outside". The good news is that his new company offers infertility coverage including IVF, which is good because I have recently figured out that I have an addiction to infertility.
We have decided to do IVF #2  in January  and we are finally getting things started. 

Feel free to look around and make yourself at home. Here is our complete Infertility Journey starting back in 2006 if you would like to read all about it.  I love comments so don't be shy!

Prop up your feet become a follower and stay a while. 

Thanks for stopping by, I look forward to getting to know you (and your blog).

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Quick Infertility Update.

And so it begins! I went in today for my first of many meetings with my old friend "Wandy" (AKA: The vaginal ultrasounds wand.) My Father-in-law and Brother-in-law read this blog and probably just stopped after reading "vaginal ultrasound." Oh well, trust me boys over the next few months it's going to get MUCH MUCH worse.

Anyway, back to today's appointment with "wandy". Things went well. The nurse called me back to the room then had me strip naked and hop up on the ultrasounds table. Then I waited. She popped her head in about 10 minutes later to tell me that my RE was in surgery and would be a few minutes late. I wish I had a camera to take a picture of me sitting on the ultrasound table for 30 freaking minutes playing Angry Birds.  I mean you really couldn't have me get dresses and go back to the waiting room? That would totally be OK!! Or maybe even wheel me in a chair so I could at least be comfortable during my wait? Finally she showed up full of apologies. I couldn't really be mad though. I'm pretty sure the "surgery" she was in was an IVF egg retrieval. I can't hate on her trying to knock up another infertile woman. If anything I love her for that.

Long story short, according to my RE I have beautiful ovaries. Everything looks good for IVF #2. In case you are wondering, the money is due by the end of the month. There is NO turning back now!!!

I'm not going to lie. It was girls night IN tonight and I accidentally on purpose had some wine. Don't worry I am now on BIRTH CONTROL so I'm not going to have an OOOPS! and end up pregnant HAHAHA.  I need to head to bed as it is very very late for an old lady like myself. (Come on people, it's almost 12:30 EST)


Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Christmas with a Toddler?!?!

OK, so it's not really Christmas time yet, but it is mid-November. That's close enough right? I love Thanksgiving and all, but for me it's mainly just about food and company. I have never been one to decorate for Thanksgiving. No random turkey figurines placed around this house (which by the way, I think is a very odd way to decorate for a day in which we kill, cook, and eat turkey. But I digress.)  Nothing changes around here until Black Friday. No, I don't rush out and go shopping, I decorate. While I love decorating, I don't get all Martha Stewart crazy about it. I'm a very lazy simple girl. I break out all the Christmas knick knacks that have been stored in one large tupperware box for the last 9 months (did I mention that I am also very lazy about taking the decorations down? ) I hang the stockings and prepare the mantle to display all of the Christmas cards we will receive. And...that's it. It usually takes about an hour. Quick, simple, and to the point.

This year things will be a little different. I have a ....TODDLER. Everything in his path can and will be destroyed. I can see my cute monogrammed stockings being ripped down from the fireplace, dragged out back, and used as muddy train parking. How am I even supposed to put up a Christmas tree this year? If I know my son he will use his fork and spoon to some how chop it up to use as firewood. That is of course after he pulls all the ornaments off and turns them into some sort of make shift tool he can use to pry the child safely locks off his bedroom door nob. He's a crafty little guy, never underestimate a 21 month old.

There are alot of things I am looking forward to this year though. London is old enough to actually enjoy opening presents. I can't wait to see his face when he sees all his new toys. He is so animated (I can't imagine where he gets that from.) He still won't understand the anticipation of "Santa is coming" but that's ok, there is always next year. I'm going to try to get him excited about Christmas by doing what any good Mother does, I'm going to BRIBE HIM!!

He is obsessed with trains right now so I got this super cute advent calendar for him. It's about 2 feet long and 6 inches tall. He is going to break it LOVE IT!

 I'll put a little treat in each day for him to open. Maybe an M&M or his absolute favorite...a Dum Dum pop (AKA: "Pop Pop") Hopefully he will catch on and get excited about opening the little doors each night. Hummm, now that I think about it this seems a little like "Pavlov's Dog". Oh well, it worked for Pavlov right?

P.S. I have a new giveaway up...Go check it out. You can't win if you don't enter :)

Friday, November 12, 2010

New Blog Friday- Rochelle

This week I am featuring Rochelle from Simply Rochelle

Here is a message from Rochelle: 

"Hey everyone! My name is Rochelle. I'm a 23 year old, married nursing student on my way towards becoming a nurse midwife. I am incredibly passionate about natural birth, breast feeding, and midwifery and love to discuss studies as they're released. My husband and I got married in May 2007 and immediately began trying to start a family. I finally got pregnant after 14 months of ttc only to lose that baby right at 12 weeks when I thought I was almost in the clear. That was in September of 2008 and we're still childless. I am still daily affected by that loss and it definitely comes through in my blog from time to time. Due to school and our crappy insurance, we're not in a position to take any further steps towards a baby at the moment though we continue to keep trying naturally. We have a 5 month old border collie puppy that I spoil like crazy right now in attempt to stave off some baby fever (yeah right!). My blog chronicles nursing school and infertile married life with all it's ups and downs. Right now I find myself so incredibly busy with school that most other parts of my life are feeling starved, my marriage feeling the worst of it so right now my blog seems to be a lament of marriage, but I assure you it's not always that way. Looking forward to getting to know some new friends!"
Go check out Rochelle
 Give her a big welcome into the blog world by leaving a comment and/or becoming a follower .  

Would you like to have your blog featured on New Blog Friday? 

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Mock Transfer and a "Whammy"!

Today I had my first real appointment for IVF #2. EEEKKKK!! My RE did my mock transfer, which is basically like a meet and greet between her and my uterus. I'm reasonable sure no autographs were signed, but I'm glad they have had a little practice run for the big show. It was quick and painless and really got me excited for the real thing. I was sitting there naked with a full bladder, legs sticking straight up in the air, while my girlie parts were on display for a room full of onlookers watching me get felt up. (Actually now that I think about it, I'm not sure why there had to be 4 nurses, my RE, and an ultrasound tech in the room. It really was like a meet in greet with a long line of fans.) All I could think about was...OMG, next time this happens I'm going be getting PREGNANT! I have expressed here several times how I'm not as excited for IVF this time, mainly because I know what to expect and I'm dreading the whole process. However at that moment I saw more than just the shots 6 times a day. More than just the dread of smuggling a cluster of grapes across the border in my ovaries. More than just the emotional highs and lows of being hopped up on enough hormones to get an elephant pregnant. I saw more than those two magical pink lines. This time, I saw....a baby. Maybe I'm focusing on the wrong thing this go round. While the actual IVF process SUCKS, I am also well aware of what to expect if I do hit the lotto twice and IVF #2 actually works. That's what excites me about this cycle.

While I was at the RE today, I finally got to meet the "insurance lady". I am NOT very fond of her. She was a total Whammy..."Press Your Luck" style.

The reason I needed to speak with her was so she could fax my insurance company proof of my past IUI's (which they need before they will authorize the big I-V-F). They also need the reasons why we did ICSI and AH last time (so they can preauthorize them for this cycle), and my most recent Cd3 labs.

From here on out please read any "quotes" like this...

That is alot of stuff for her to "remember"  and dig out of my medical records. SHE DIDN'T EVEN WRITE IT DOWN!?!?! I know this is her "job" and she "probably" knows what to send. But she admitted that she rarely deals with insurance companies when it comes to IVF since very few of them cover it. I'll give you one guess who the responsibility is going to fall on when it comes time to making sure everything is filed properly with my insurance company... ME!!! Normally this wouldn't piss me off, Ok I'm am lying. I even hate it when waitresses don't write down my dinner order. Take out a freaking pen and write it down on a post it note. Hell, I will even accept a mini post it note written in   hieroglyphs, JUST WRITE IT DOWN!!!

After she annoyed me with that crap, she mentioned the $1500 "cycle management fee". WTF is that you may ask? It's a freaking RIP OFF! That $1500 is charged by my RE's office and NOT covered by insurance. As if IVF is not expensive enough for us infertiles they have to throw in a extra $1500 administrative fee? Remember my debate on whether to freeze of not? Well I'm definitely freezing now. Doing this IVF cycle will make us meet our yearly max out of pocket insurance deductible. So basically after we pay that amount everything should be covered at 100% (Aka: free) for the rest of the year. I should be able to do another IVF cycle for free, but NOOOOOOOOO my Dr thinks they need to add on an extra charge of $1500. I know I have infertility insurance but most people don't and as if $17,000 to get pregnant is not expensive enough they have to add an extra $1500 into the mix? 

I was so mad today that  I actually called another local IVF office and got their fee schedule. Ummm...yeah so apparently everyone charges this crazy "cycle management fee" (For the record, I really do throw air quotes anytime I say "cycle management fee"). Long story short...I'm paying the freaking $1500 and sticking with my original RE. It sucks but what other choice do I have? I can't complain, even with this "fee" we are only up to $2800 for this IVF cycle (not including freezing). I can't believe I am even complaining about it. Please don't hate me! All I can think about is how much baby stuff I could buy with those 1500 dollars. Maybe the Sunday paper will offer an IVF coupon next week. ;) Fingers crossed! HAHAHA!!!

P.S. While you are here, will you take 10 seconds to click on this link and vote for my very favorite infertility blog, Busted Plumbing. She is awesome and it only takes 2 clicks, you don't even have to input an email address or anything. If you need a good laugh definitely check out her blog. 

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

And the Winner is...

First of all thank you to everyone who entered my 200 Followers Giveaway and  a big  THANK YOU to everyone who is following my little blog. I couldn't ramble, vent, brag, and complain about my own life without all of you. Trust me, Mike thanks you also :)

OK so now on to the good stuff.  The winner is...


I promise to have a real post up later today. I just need to find the time to actually sit down and write something.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Infertility...The Addiction.

Is it wrong to think of infertility as an addiction?

The definition of addiction is:

  • being abnormally tolerant to and dependent on something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming (especially alcohol or narcotic drugs)
  • an abnormally strong craving
I have no real psychological dependency on Infertility, but you have no idea how physically habit-forming it can become.

Lets take a look into this theory. 

Everyone, even Michelle Duggar, has a CD1. We all have to start somewhere, right?. Unfortunately for myself and about 80% of the people who read my blog, we have multiple CD1's. Way, way, WAY too many CD1's. If it was up to me,  I would much rather be pregnant. I would much rather welcome a new life growing in my womb. . Instead....I have become "abnormally tolerant" to infertility and disappointment. One. Single. Line. is all I usually get. I would, and have, paid big bucks just to see two lines. What I wouldn't give to have hope again. Just to be back at that first cycle, where there was no pressure, no expectations, no addiction, no infertility.

Every month I feel the need, not a "want" but a "NEED", to pee on anything even resembling a pregnancy test. I can't help it! It's an addiction not just to pregnancy tests but rather to the actual monthly ritual of trying to get pregnant. You know ...counting the days until ovulation, then "getting it on" during ovulation (but definitely not TOO often), then counting down the days until you can test...etc. Every month it's the same challenge, and usually the same results. I have had success from IVF in the past, I know I'm one of the lucky ones, yet I still have an "abnormally strong craving" each and every month. 

Why do I think that every month will be different? I have no clue. Why do I even bother after all this time to even buy pregnancy tests? Maybe, I enjoy literally pissing my money away? Your guess is as good as mine.  Every month I have hope though. I hope that two lines will magically appear on that stick. And every month I am disappointed when they don't. 

Infertility, I don't want to be addicted to you. I thought having London would "set me free" but "something always bring me back you, it never takes too long". 

Fact: I was lucky enough to beat infertility once. ONCE! So I'm going to offer a tiny morsel of hope to all of my primary infertile ladies...It gets easier. When I was in the throws of infertility, I had several moments of wondering what was the point. How would I ever be happy if trying to conceive was just going to be a way of life for the next, oh...10 years? Please let me be the one to say that having a baby definitely doesn't solve things, you will always have an "addiction" to infertility, but it does help in the short term. 2.5 years ago, I was a mess, a total WRECK!!!! I had a obsession with all things infertility and trying to have a baby. Blogs, discussion boards, chat groups...you name it and I was in the mix. Clomid, Follistim, and IUI, I was there once. ONCE!!! Now I have a little man who I can't imagine my life without. Am I fixed? Nope. I'm greedy and still want more. I still pray at least once a month that CD1 won't find me. I still have every finger crossed that IVF #2 is not in my future. I dream of the day when I can finally retire the title Infertility Overachievers. Until then...."The one thing that I still know is that your keeping me DOWN". 

This is from So You Think You Can Dance. It spoke to me tonight. The guy is supposed to be the "addiction", and in our case Infertility. Tell me you have not felt like this girl at least once. 
P.S. I LURVE this song. See the quotes above for proof!

Sara Bareilles: Gravity
Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long
No matter what I say or do
I still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone

You hold me without touch
You keep me without chains
I never wanted anything so much
Than to drown in your love and not feel your rain

Set me free, leave me be
I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall
I'm just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me and all over me

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile
When I thought that I was strong
But you touch me for a little while
And all my fragile strength is gone

Set me free, leave me be
I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall
I'm just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me and all over me

I live here on my knees
As I try to make you see
That you're everything I think I need
Here on the ground

But you're neither friend nor foe
Though I can't seem to let you go
The one thing that I still know
Is that you're keeping me down
You're keeping me down

You're on to me, on to me and all over
Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

London's First Haircut!

This is going to be a picture only post for a little bit. Our family is chomping at the bit to see London's New Do. I promise I will add captions soon. For now though...Here are the pics.


I couldn't resist, his hair was soooo long.
 It was a very manly Baseball Bow, made by his girlfriend Scarlett. 
He would make such a pretty girl!

He thought getting a haircut SUCKED!!

Even after they gave him a "pop pop" he still hated it. 
They even had Diego playing on the TV for him.  

"Help me Dad!!"

Diego must have caught his attention for a second.

Almost done!

The finished product. Huh, maybe he wasn't upset about the haircut after all.
 He really just wanted to the pink Barbie jeep.

My little boy is all grown up!

Thankfully we didn't cut all of his curls off.
 Everyone scared me by telling me that he wouldn't have curly hair anymore if we cut it.

We only took about 1.5 inches off, but it really made a difference.
 He really looks like little boy now!

Monday, November 1, 2010

Halloween 2010!

We had an amazing time on Saturday. Yes, that is right even though October 31st was on Sunday this year, my neighborhood decided to Trick-or-treat on Saturday. Keep in mind Columbia didn't decide to trick-or-treat on Saturday, just our neighborhood. We live in a very large neighborhood that has 500+ houses. So people decided to come trick-or-treat in OUR neighborhood on Saturday night by the BUS LOAD. Cars were parked up and down our streets. Just to give you an idea, I bought 240 pieces of candy and at one piece per person, we ran out of candy in ONE HOUR!!! It was crazy. All and all we had a great time though. My family came up, so we all went out together. London LOVED trick-or-treating. Here are the pictures. 

First we carved the pumpkin. London thought it was gross so this was about as close as he came. 

Then he though the stringy pumpkin innards were cheese.
 He tried to eat it, but as you can guess quickly spit it out. 
 London the lion, I'm pretty sure he hated it. 
 Daddy holding London as he tried to open a Twix with his mouth. 

 Aunt Lori pulled out the big guns and bought him this super awesome push car to trick-or-treat in. Little did she know that he would want to be running around with Marra (his cousin) most of the night. It still came in VERY handy for the long walk home though.
 Mommy and London.
 His car was awesome. It had working radio, turn signals, and doors. 

After trick-or-treating was done Mike and I decided to go out. 
After all my mom was in town so we had a Baby Sitter. :)
 Our costumes?? What else besides Jersey Shore cast members. Mike was supposed to be Paulie D but we ran out of time to do his hair after he got home late so he went as...well probably any other guy in NJ. HAHA!!

We had a great night and so did London. He loved trick-or-treating and even ran into one persons house. Thank goodness they were good people and sent him right back out. Scary, but TRUE!!

P.S. Don't forget to check out my 200 Followers Giveaway!! Ends 11/8.