Showing posts with label Infertility. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Infertility. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

The New Sound of Infertility.

I have two kids. TRUE!

But you can NOT take away my struggle with infertility just because I have had success. 

I love my boys more than anything in the world...True! However when I think of my past I can not forget the way I felt each month while trying to conceive. It was painful and I can still feel it in my gut now. How I felt every time some one said relax or told me how their great grand mommy didn't get pregnant for 9 years, and she didn't even have access to infertility treatments. UGH!! I swear every woman who ever had a baby KNEW how to get me pregnant. None of it worked until I forked over $6,000 plus dollars, gave myself over 60 injections (with in 2 weeks), and put my feet in the stirrups for a doctor wielding a giant needle.

Thankfully that worked though.

So if you know me at all, you know I lurve music, and tonight when I heard Jason Mraz new(ish) song, I couldn't help but think about infertility.

"God knows we're worth it"

Sunday, November 28, 2010

An Open Letter to Birth Control.

Dear Birth Control,

I HATE YOU! I know you are just trying to do your job and I respect that. I also know I invited you back into my life. Actually it was more like my RE forced you on me. Something about suppressing my ovaries before IVF, but you're back, in all of your hormonal glory, none the less.

Due to my current infertile situation, you are probably not exactly thrilled to be back in my life either. I am sure my infertility takes away from the main task in your current job, you know that whole "controlling birth" thing. I know that must be really heart warming for you every time you prevent a teenager or young college coed from getting pregnant. I am sure you take those cases back to the office and show them off to your boss in hopes of a big promotion or at the very least a gold star on your warning label. (By the way, what exactly would a promotion be for you? Becoming an IUD?). I must be a real let down for you since I'm definitely not going to get you either of those things. I mean after all what will you say to the big boss man, "But Sir, I managed to keep a woman who can't get pregnant without the help some of the most advanced reproductive technologies from getting pregnant one crazy drunken night in bed." I'm pretty sure that isn't going to win you that Employee of the Month parking spot that you have been longing for all year. So for that, I am sorry.

I know you probably hate me too. I have probably set your forward career progression back by at least a month, maybe two. You see this is not all my fault though. BC... is it OK if I call you BC? Anyway...BC, I am just as much a victim here as you are. I have to deal with all of your nasty side effects like gaining weight, uncontrollable bitchiness, mid cycle spotting, and mood swings. Oh and WTF is up with my face looking like a 13 year old girl right now? I haven't had this many pimples since...well, since I was a 13 year old girl.  I know my body will eventually get used to your presence, but I'm not planning for you to stick around that long. So I get all of your crap but none of your perks.

I just wanted to let you know that while I am not all that fond of you, I do understand that you probably hate me just as much. You do some really great work, and I love you for that. But I am hopeful that this will be our last time working together. Best of luck in the future. I hope that Employee of the Month thing works out you. You deserve it.

Best Wishes and I hope I never see your stupid pill case again,

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Quick Infertility Update.

And so it begins! I went in today for my first of many meetings with my old friend "Wandy" (AKA: The vaginal ultrasounds wand.) My Father-in-law and Brother-in-law read this blog and probably just stopped after reading "vaginal ultrasound." Oh well, trust me boys over the next few months it's going to get MUCH MUCH worse.

Anyway, back to today's appointment with "wandy". Things went well. The nurse called me back to the room then had me strip naked and hop up on the ultrasounds table. Then I waited. She popped her head in about 10 minutes later to tell me that my RE was in surgery and would be a few minutes late. I wish I had a camera to take a picture of me sitting on the ultrasound table for 30 freaking minutes playing Angry Birds.  I mean you really couldn't have me get dresses and go back to the waiting room? That would totally be OK!! Or maybe even wheel me in a chair so I could at least be comfortable during my wait? Finally she showed up full of apologies. I couldn't really be mad though. I'm pretty sure the "surgery" she was in was an IVF egg retrieval. I can't hate on her trying to knock up another infertile woman. If anything I love her for that.

Long story short, according to my RE I have beautiful ovaries. Everything looks good for IVF #2. In case you are wondering, the money is due by the end of the month. There is NO turning back now!!!

I'm not going to lie. It was girls night IN tonight and I accidentally on purpose had some wine. Don't worry I am now on BIRTH CONTROL so I'm not going to have an OOOPS! and end up pregnant HAHAHA.  I need to head to bed as it is very very late for an old lady like myself. (Come on people, it's almost 12:30 EST)


Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Infertility...The Addiction.

Is it wrong to think of infertility as an addiction?

The definition of addiction is:

  • being abnormally tolerant to and dependent on something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming (especially alcohol or narcotic drugs)
  • an abnormally strong craving
I have no real psychological dependency on Infertility, but you have no idea how physically habit-forming it can become.

Lets take a look into this theory. 

Everyone, even Michelle Duggar, has a CD1. We all have to start somewhere, right?. Unfortunately for myself and about 80% of the people who read my blog, we have multiple CD1's. Way, way, WAY too many CD1's. If it was up to me,  I would much rather be pregnant. I would much rather welcome a new life growing in my womb. . Instead....I have become "abnormally tolerant" to infertility and disappointment. One. Single. Line. is all I usually get. I would, and have, paid big bucks just to see two lines. What I wouldn't give to have hope again. Just to be back at that first cycle, where there was no pressure, no expectations, no addiction, no infertility.

Every month I feel the need, not a "want" but a "NEED", to pee on anything even resembling a pregnancy test. I can't help it! It's an addiction not just to pregnancy tests but rather to the actual monthly ritual of trying to get pregnant. You know ...counting the days until ovulation, then "getting it on" during ovulation (but definitely not TOO often), then counting down the days until you can test...etc. Every month it's the same challenge, and usually the same results. I have had success from IVF in the past, I know I'm one of the lucky ones, yet I still have an "abnormally strong craving" each and every month. 

Why do I think that every month will be different? I have no clue. Why do I even bother after all this time to even buy pregnancy tests? Maybe, I enjoy literally pissing my money away? Your guess is as good as mine.  Every month I have hope though. I hope that two lines will magically appear on that stick. And every month I am disappointed when they don't. 

Infertility, I don't want to be addicted to you. I thought having London would "set me free" but "something always bring me back you, it never takes too long". 

Fact: I was lucky enough to beat infertility once. ONCE! So I'm going to offer a tiny morsel of hope to all of my primary infertile ladies...It gets easier. When I was in the throws of infertility, I had several moments of wondering what was the point. How would I ever be happy if trying to conceive was just going to be a way of life for the next, oh...10 years? Please let me be the one to say that having a baby definitely doesn't solve things, you will always have an "addiction" to infertility, but it does help in the short term. 2.5 years ago, I was a mess, a total WRECK!!!! I had a obsession with all things infertility and trying to have a baby. Blogs, discussion boards, chat name it and I was in the mix. Clomid, Follistim, and IUI, I was there once. ONCE!!! Now I have a little man who I can't imagine my life without. Am I fixed? Nope. I'm greedy and still want more. I still pray at least once a month that CD1 won't find me. I still have every finger crossed that IVF #2 is not in my future. I dream of the day when I can finally retire the title Infertility Overachievers. Until then...."The one thing that I still know is that your keeping me DOWN". 

This is from So You Think You Can Dance. It spoke to me tonight. The guy is supposed to be the "addiction", and in our case Infertility. Tell me you have not felt like this girl at least once. 
P.S. I LURVE this song. See the quotes above for proof!

Sara Bareilles: Gravity
Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long
No matter what I say or do
I still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone

You hold me without touch
You keep me without chains
I never wanted anything so much
Than to drown in your love and not feel your rain

Set me free, leave me be
I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall
I'm just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me and all over me

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile
When I thought that I was strong
But you touch me for a little while
And all my fragile strength is gone

Set me free, leave me be
I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall
I'm just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me and all over me

I live here on my knees
As I try to make you see
That you're everything I think I need
Here on the ground

But you're neither friend nor foe
Though I can't seem to let you go
The one thing that I still know
Is that you're keeping me down
You're keeping me down

You're on to me, on to me and all over
Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long

Monday, August 23, 2010

Infertility- His Perspective.

Recently I approached Mike about writing a blog post.  You have all heard my side of our infertility story about a million times. But in the over 2 years that I have been writing this blog, Mike has always remained silent. Finally he agreed  (probably because my blog design is no longer pink) and decided to write a summary of his highs and lows over the last 4 years.

Here is our Infertility Journey according to my amazing husband...

It’s April 2008 and all I can do is try and calm Aly down.  Through her tears and sobbing voice over the phone all I can gather is that Dr. T could offer no solace, no alternatives to the struggle we’d been facing for practically our entire 7-year relationship.  I understand at this moment that I’m going to become more familiar with a 3-letter word I wish I never knew—IVF.  In a vain attempt to comfort this beautiful woman of mine I whisper that, no matter what, “we’ll overcome this.”  We’ll somehow come up with the money, I will make the time, I will shake the heavens in order to provide us with the family we’ve both been fighting for.

It’s July 2006 and we’ve decided to go off birth control.  Why not?  The experiences we’ve been through in 5.5 years have matured us to a degree where we feel like we’ve known each other all our lives.  I’m five months out of West Point and cannot wait to start a life with my new bride.  I knew since I was 12 years old that the woman I would spend my days with would be the one I could picture being the mother of my children.  Six weeks into our fledgling romance I knew she would be my wife.  I knew we would be parents together and it was the most intoxicatingly romantic notion to me.  I loved her already and she didn’t even know it yet.

It’s May 2008 and we miraculously already secured an IVF cycle.  While I’m selfishly trying to advance my career by trying to get into the 75th Ranger Regiment over a 3-week period the true Soldier, Aly, is in NC being poked, prodded, and taking daily self-administered shots.  I’m now somewhat familiar with a host of acronyms unlike any I’ve heard in the military: IUI, RE, ICSI, AH…and to be perfectly honest, while I know what they stand for I haven’t the faintest clue what they mean.  The experiences have been odd, make no mistake about that—the nurse laying out a plethora of nudie mags for my “enjoyment”…having to generate a sample in a PUBLIC restroom because there were no other available rooms (yeah, don’t ask how long that one took with people walking in there every few minutes while I was trying to do my part to produce my child). 

It’s July 2008 and after nearly two years the process has taken a toll.  We’d experienced the high and very low of one failed pregnancy (not including the ones early in our journey).  I feel inadequate as a man, blaming myself for not being able to give my wife a baby.  I never tell her this because I feel the need to maintain some semblance of bravado.  I’m not always very receptive or understanding of the range of emotions Aly exhibits after being pumped full of hormone-inducing drugs.  And finally I feel like the almost scientifically designed monthly intimacy is tearing us apart.  For a period of time I wrongly resign myself from the marriage emotionally.  It’s an extremely demanding time.  And all the while I’m failing to acknowledge that whatever is hard for me is actually ten times harder for her.  But it’s all been worth it: on July 4th we get—in my angel’s esoteric language—a BFP.

It’s the early morning hours of February 28 th , 2009 and I’m quickly / gingerly navigating the streets of Phenix City, AL as the three of us make our way to Columbus Regional Hospital while listening to George Michaels’ classic “Father Figure” to commemorate the moment (what can I say, it was on the radio).  In a blur the moments pass by—I know Aly is angry at me for filming her in pain, I know the whole birthing process isn’t anywhere near as dramatic as they depict on TV, and I certainly know that the doctor staring at my wife’s lady parts looks like he should be drinking at a Pi Kappa party instead of directing her to “focus [her] energy into [her] pelvic region” (all the while I curiously stared at the process I had absolutely sworn to Aly I would have nothing to do with in the previous nine months).  And then he appeared in our lives.  London Michael, our IVF Miracle.  Suddenly the pain of the previous two years melted away…the feeling of failure when we miscarried, knowing that was supposed to be our moment…the look I could see on Aly’s face, knowing in my heart that the process was consuming her every day and that this wasn’t just something she was doing, it was the ONLY thing she was doing…the locked feeling in my chest when the nurse told us we’d lost one of the twins…suddenly the pain wasn’t as painful.  Our Journey had ended and here before us was the most beautiful thing we’d ever seen.

It’s the next Chapter in our lives.  London will be 18 months old in a week.  It’s sad but I genuinely fight the urge to cry every time I look at him.  I see my red-headed, green-eyed little man and he represents more than one simple night spent between his mother and I.  He represents an era in our lives unmatched by any struggle the two of us had previously undergone (and buddy, we’ve been through some struggles).  I look back at the experience and smile at the hardship and understand that all along the Big Guy had a plan for us we couldn’t possibly see.  And now it’s time to begin the Journey anew.    -Mike

Big Thanks to my awesome husband for taking the time to write this. (Seriously, how freaking sweet is he?) As you can tell he is the real writer in the family. He might just be showing up here a lot more in the not so distant future.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Perfect Timing?

No doubt that you have heard people ask the $64,000 question "when is the right time to have a baby" and the answer is always, "you'll know when your ready". Unfortunately for couples who are challenged in the fertility department, there are few more factors than just being "ready" that have to be considered. Somewhere out there, some brilliant infertile mathmatician is probably working to developed a fancy IVF readiness formula (Good Will Hunting style). Until then, this is my own personal theory.

(Your timing / Dr timing) + (money to take care of child when born  / money to create child) = 

Perfect timing!

 First you have to figure out when is your perfect timing. For me this is usually done by looking through my calendar and finding a random block of 4 weeks just laying around. 4 weeks where I want nothing more then to stab myself with needles, be violated by ultrasound machines, and wake up at crack of dawn to see the dr because it seems that they only do IVF monitoring appointments at like 6 am (as if we haven't already paid enough). For others, it is whenever you can manage to take a few weeks off of work. And for the Army wives, its during the few weeks that your husband is not either in the field, away at a school, or gearing up/ gone for deployment. It is basically just whenever you can find the time to push the pause button on your life,  so you can focus all of your time, effort, emotions, and energy on having a baby.

Your Doctor's timing is almost always different than your own. Either your perfect cycle is already full. Or they want you to put it off for a few months to have more testing, surgeries, longer suppression, or any one of a million other reasons. Getting your timing and your Doctor's timing to line up perfectly is almost impossible. So a compromise is almost always necessary, however it gets even more complicated when you add two more elements into the equation. Two VERY BIG elements.


Not only do you have to be a point where you feel like you can afford to financially support a child, you also have to be able to financially CREATE a child. IVF is expensive. Usually around $20,000 for most people.  Even when your lucky enough to have insurance coverage or military discounts you still have to pay out thousands in deductibles, co pays, and lab fees. It is so intimidating when they give you that nice neat little price list, with a five figure number circled at the bottom estimating your total costs. So along with coordinating your time and your Doctor's time. You also have to make sure you're ready with the money when those two dates magically match up. 

Now, after going through this very long explanation, I have plugged all of our information into the formula listed above and have come up with ....


I really really really wanted to do IVF #2 in the October/November time frame, but  after talking to my RE and Mike we decided to wait until after Christmas. It is what is best for us, even though I don't like it. I really wanted to get the show on the road and take the plunge into IVF number two soon. UGH!! Patience has never been my strong suit.

Now we wait!

P.S. I loved my new RE. She was awesome and I can't wait to cycle with her. I think it will be great! Oh and I am totally adding an IVF countdown ticker now that I have some actual dates. I'm such a dork!!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

A Little Infertility Update!

I desperately need a break from all things related to unpacking, organizing, and decorating. So I decided to sit down and write a little post about the other aspect of my life that I hate right now...Infertility. I called and made my first appointment with my new RE. Its scheduled for July 22 at 12:45pm. I'm pretty sure it is just going to be a meet and greet type of appointment, but at least things are finally starting to move in the right direction...forward. I really hope that at the appointment I will be able to get a formal IVF schedule for the Oct-Nov time frame. They should have that schedule open by now right? For the life of me, I can not figure out how often this Dr does IVF. My old Dr did a cycle group every month, but I have heard through the grape vine that this one only does it once every 3 months. If that's the case, I'm afraid that the fall cycle will already be full.

I have two BIG things that need to happen before I can move forward with this though.

I need to find someone to babysit London for me so I can actually go to the one million appointments required to do an IVF cycle. I'll either have to find a daycare that he can go to part time (and probably pay out a pretty penny) or someone that can babysit randomly for me. We live in a new place so we really don't know many people, and we know even less who I would feel comfortable asking to keep London.  It looks like part time daycare might just be the way to go, but I am still pretty nervous about having to finding one. I'm still not really sure how this is all going to work out. I am sure it will though.

The other big thing is that I need is to get my medical records from my last IVF cycle. I have a copy of my medical records from the Army, but there is zero documentation of me ever even doing IVF in them. So unless my Dr was doing something besides just a vaginal ultrasound down there, I am pretty sure there should be some records. Although this theory might explain why London looks more Irish than he does Puerto Rican HAHAHA. I called my old nurse today to see if she still has a copy of my protocol, E2, and u/s's. If these records don't show up soon, I might just have to take my laptop in and let my new Dr piece together the details based on my old blog posts and facebook statuses. I've heard of Dr Google, but never Dr Blogger.

T-minus: 14 days until my appointment. This is a whole different kind of 2WW. 

On a side note..."The Infertility Overachievers" is now on Facebook. Check it out, and maybe "Like" it while you're there too :)! 

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

The What If Game

What if? I am sure I could say that about 50 times a day. What if I didn't stay up so late last night? What if I married my high school sweetheart instead of Mike? What if I didn't buy those ridiculously cute shoes sitting in my closet and instead invested the money? What if? What if? WHAT IF?

What if I was not infertile?  

How would my life be different? How would FERTILITY have affected my life?

Now let's just take a step back and analyze MY life with infertility. Mike and I tried to get pregnant for 2 years before we decided to do IVF. We had 3 miscarriages, 7 failed Clomid cycles, 1 Femara cycle, 4 injectible cycles, and 3 failed IUI's. I do not claim to be the most infertile woman around, but that does not make our journey any easier. I quit my job, among other things, because of infertility. There were just to many appointments for me to keep a full time job. I devoted my life to trying to have a baby. I lived my life in two week increments. I was either waiting to ovulate or waiting to know if I was pregnant. I was always WAITING. I am sure this is an "Oh to familiar story" for all of my infertile readers though. I am sure you have all been-there-done-that.

What if that very first baby had stuck? What if I had a 4 year old today? Where would my life be?

The fact of the matter is that you can't always live in the What if's. I would probably be finishing my family right now with baby number 3 or 4. I would be joking with all of my friends and family about how Mike and I get pregnant if we even bump into each other in the hallway. I would be ignorant and would probably accidentally tell a friend that she would get pregnant if she would "just relax." I would still love my kids don't get me wrong, but would I really appreciate them for the miracle that they really were? I am not totally sure that I would.

Let's abandon the What If's for a minute and revisit the What Is....

I have the most adorable little boy, that I never would have met with out infertility.
I appreciate that little boy more because I remember the blood, sweat, and tear that went into getting him here.
I am a much more kind, compassionate, and understanding person than I ever would have been without infertility.

I am a better person because of infertility

This is easy for me to say now that I can stare into my little boys eyes. However while I was in the middle of my infertility journey, it never seemed like a blessing to be infertile. Now that we are going through all of this again, it still doesn't seem like a blessing. Having a baby does NOT cure infertility. It does NOT make it all better, but it  has at least made me more gracious for what I have.

When I am done having my family after (God willing) another 2-3 kids, I will finally be able to look at infertility for what it really is. In the words of the great Adrian Monk,

"It's a Blessing and a Curse."  

As for today, it will continue to be my curse. I am excited about the day where I don't think about our fertility. I am excited about the day where I can just sit around and enjoy what we have been given. Mainly...

I am just looking forward to looking back.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Yoga 4 Fertility Review and Giveaway! xxClosedxx

Do you recognize this woman?
You should, it's Mary Alice Young Brenda Strong from Desperate Housewives!

Did you know that Brenda struggled with infertility? I didn't. I knew who Brenda was because I am an avid Desperate Housewives watcher but I knew nothing of her struggle with infertility.

A few weeks ago I was contacted about doing a review and giveaway for her Yoga4Fertility DVD and Fertility Ball. I was extremely excited to be given the opportunity, and even more so excited to try it out.

According to the Yoga4Fertility website:
"Yoga4Fertility™ was created by Brenda Strong who has undergone secondary infertility and through her teaching and research over the last 15 years, she developed a gentle and effective Yoga program for women trying to conceive. (She has worked with The Mind Body Institute since 1998 at UCLA and Newport Beach teaching her yoga method). Hundreds of women have successfully used Brenda’s method to get pregnant and it’s helped couples to face the emotional and physical stress of trying to conceive.
Brenda’s Strong Yoga4Fertility Classes are unique because she offers participants expert instruction in Yoga asanas (poses) and pranayama (breathing techniques) that nourish the reproductive organs, calm the nervous system and relax the mind and body, helping to release accumulated anxiety and stress. She teaches the Four Fields of Fertility© which enables students to understand the innate connection between the mind and body as they learn specific techniques that will help them shift away from fear based anxiety to empowered presence and the ability to embrace their inherent ability to receive Life in all it’s forms of fertility. She also has developed specific breathing and visualization techniques specifically for fertility."
I am going to be completely honest with this review. When I first popped in the DVD, I have to say the opening scene was pretty cheesy and they could have left that part out. Once we got past that part Brenda started talking and I nearly fell asleep--but for yoga that is a good thing. One of Brenda's main points in the DVD is to focus on relaxation. Trust me there is no one who has a more calm and relaxing voice than Brenda Strong. I immediately felt right at home with her as if she was talking directly to me while sitting indian style on her couch in a nice warm sweater. As a yoga beginner, I especially liked that she started at square one and even took the time to teach me how to breathe properly.

Once we got past the introduction and entered into the yoga section we both moved to the mat. At this point I realized how amazingly out of shape I am. Brenda looked beautiful with her every movement planned and purposeful. I, however, looked like one of those rolly-pollies that you would find on the side walk and poke with a stick as a child. I will admit it, I fell a few times and even curled up into a ball at one point. BUT I finished all of it.

When I was done, I felt a sense of relaxation. I didn't feel the need to plop down on the couch like I usually do after a work out. I was instead on a mini high. My body felt loose and I was ready and excited to start my day. All and all, I really enjoyed the DVD. It made me feel amazing and gave me satisfaction knowing that I was taking action to boost my fertility.

Am I more fertile today, you may ask? I don't know. I do know that I am a little sore though, so it obviously worked something. Overtime the program will "help increase circulation to the reproductive organs, balance hormones, and reduce stress." I can definitely see how all of those things could help increase your fertility, and basically just make you a healthier person. Good health is very important especially when you are planning on a pregnancy.

Is this DVD going to get you pregnant? Perhaps. If you are a seasoned veteran on your 4th failed IVF, then probably not. I am a firm believer that infertility is a medical condition. All of the relaxing in the world is not going to cure Endometriosis, Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, or Ovarian Failure. No, this DVD is not magic (and no one including Brenda is claiming it is) but it would be a great way to help you relax and recenter yourself during those emotional and stressful infertility treatments. This program is not called Yoga4INFERTILITY, it's call Yoga4 FERTILITY. It is not just for the infertile, and can help everyone who is even thinking about having a baby in the future. Take care of yourself now and hopefully you will never have to experience INfertility. If you are trying to conceive, thinking about trying to conceive, or have unexplained infertility, then this DVD is definitely something worth purchasing. This DVD is a great tool as you attempt to achieve your dream of starting (or completing) your family. I definitely recommend it!!


Yoga4Fertility was kind enough to send me a copy of the DVD to giveaway to one lucky reader. Here is how you can win. Giveaway will end June 30, 2010 at 12:00 am EST.

The Rules:
1. Leave a separate comment for each entry.
2. Leave an email, or make sure it is listed (and easy to find) on your blog or twitter page so I can contact the winner.

How to Enter:
1. (Mandatory) Because I am so inspired by Brenda speaking out about her infertility journey, I want to hear about yours. Leave me a comment briefly describing your journey through infertility, trying to conceive, or plans to try to conceive.
Example: 3 years, unexplained infertility, 1 successful IVF, several failed IUI's, trying to conceive in August, etc...
2. Follow Infertility Overachievers blog, and let me know if you already do (1 entry).
3. Follow @IFOverachievers on Twitter (1 entry).
4. Visit Yoga4Fertility website and take a look around at her products, let me know what you find interesting. (1 entry).
5. Tweet this message: “Test the "relax and it will happen" theory by entering to win a Yoga4Fertility DVD at @IFOverachievers #giveaway" (1 entry per day, leave links for verification)
6. Blog about the contest (please leave a link to your post) (5 additional entries)
7. Grab my button for your blog. (5 additional entries)

I'll draw a winner using the Random Number Generator and announcing the winner sometime on Thursday (July 1, 2010). This giveaway is also listed on my giveaway blog. Comments to enter will be merged with those comments to pick ONE winner.

Thanks for entering and GOOD LUCK!

Disclosure: I was provided free of charge a copy of Yoga4Fertility to try out and review. My opinion was not influenced in any way by money or any other type compensation. The opinions expressed in this review are strictly my own.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

IVF- The Sequel.

Thankfully things have finally calmed down with the move. We are still living in a temporary apartment, but our house closes on July 1st, so we are very excited about that. The one good thing about moving is that Mike and I had a lot of time on the road to talk. We spent some of that time making a Fertility Plan.

As you know, we have been really hoping that another IVF cycle is not in our future, however we are starting to accept that it probably is. IVF was not easy on us, but this time we are a little more prepared. We know what to expect and have the financial aspects of if covered. As it stands right now we are planning to do IVF #2 (AKA: The Sequel) sometime between November and January, depending on when I can get into a cycle. The timing seems right for us, so if we are going to do it we should probably do it now. I turn the big 3-0 in February, and my eggs are not getting any younger. I mean after all I couldn't get pregnant at 26, so I doubt it is going to get any easier in my 30's. Don't get me wrong, we are not throwing in the towel of getting pregnant naturally. I am still hoping for that surprise BFP on a natural cycle. In the mean time will keep trying on our own, but no more wasting time, energy, and money on infertility treatments that have never worked for us in the past. This time before I cycle, I would really like to limit my time spent on infertility drugs. I have a toddler  this time and I value my sanity too much these days. If there is one thing that I remembered while doing my last injectables and timed intercourse cycle, it's how CRAZY infertility drugs make me. When we did our last IVF, I had pretty much been on some some sort drug for 15 months straight. It was horrible. I want this time to be different. I want to enjoy the months leading up to my treatment. Not many people are able to do that, so I definitely want to try.

Why November? Well, My best friend and Mike's best friend are both getting married in September. One wedding will be in Chicago and the other will be in Virginia,  and only one week apart. So it is going to be a very exhausting exciting time for us that month. I don't want to have to worry about anything infertility related while all of that is going on. It can be like our last big bash, before jumping back on the IVF train.

Also if we are successful, London would be 2 and a half by the time the new baby was born. I think that is a great age difference for the kids. If I am forced to be on bed rest again at any point during my pregnancy, I would have to put London in at least part-time day care. I have always said that I didn't want him in daycare until he is at least 2 years old. So, again, the dates work out well there too.

Basically, for a lot of reasons that I won't bore you with, this is the timing that works best for us. Hopefully it works the first time and we don't have to do multiple cycles. But we have accepted the fact that just because it worked the first time doesn't mean it is going to work again. We are trying to stay positive and realistic at the same time, but sometimes those two things don't mix very well.

Monday, May 17, 2010

I Quit You Infertility (at least for tonight)!

I am so sick of writing about infertility. Sadly though, it really seems to have taken over my every thought. I don't want to think about it anymore tonight. I want to be naive.  I don't want to know when my fertile period is, and I sure don't want to know what the acronym BFN means. If I could erase all of that from my memory, I would be having a much better night, week, month, and probably YEAR.

Here is my life when you subtract the BBT, CD__, OPK, HPT, IVF, IUI, OB, ICSI, AH,  RE,  TTC, and IF from the equation. (If you don't know what any of those acronyms mean consider yourself lucky, and don't bother to google them.)

A) My computer is still in the shop, do I even need to get into how ANNOYING that is? My Commodore 64 and Android phone can only allow me to do so much. Hopefully it will be ready tomorrow. *fingers crossed*

B) Not sure if I mentioned this but we are renting out our house instead of selling it. I have people coming by tomorrow to look at it and let me just tell you, it is a DISASTER! We decided to have the back yard completely landscaped. They went back there and riped up all the grass and will be laying sod down in the next day or so. Hopefully the people looking will be understanding of the MESS that is back there right now. Pulling up all the grass and adding a drainage system doesn't exactly make for an attractive yard. The finished product will be amazing, or at least it better be for the amount of money we are paying.

C) My husband and I are going to get a divorce over decorating the NEW house. I told him today that I won't be able to see the TV if we position it on the far wall (I wear glasses). He then told me "that is the most ridiculous excuse I have ever heard!" Really honey, poor sight is the most ridiculous excuse you have ever heard? I am scared to hear what you would have said if I have led with what I really wanted to say... "umm, that's UGLY!"

D) I have not mentioned this recently but I have the most amazingly handsome 14 month old little boy to ever walk the earth. That is just a fact, I am not biased at all.  OK so maybe I am a little bias, but really he is pretty freaking adorable and I can't imagine my life with out him. He is the only thing that makes IF worth it. (CRAP! I said something about IF, please scratch that from the record.) You can judge for yourself, and leave the answer in the comments section. (All negative comments will be deleted and user will be marked as spam HAHA!)

Going for a ride in his wagon with his Dad.
(He loves wearing hats, he actually hates to leave the house without one.)

Playing in the rain!

"Quick Mom take a picture, I look cute right now"
(See the background? Hence the Sod work in the back yard.)

Check out his Gene Wilder in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory hair do :)

OK that is all for now. Infertility, you can go back to running my life tomorrow, but I am sure you already knew that. See you then!

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Keywords of Infertility

As I have said many times, this blog started out as a way to keep my family and friends in the loop while I was doing IVF. Telling the same BFN story fifty times every single month was becoming very emotionally taxing. Starting a blog seemed like the logical choice. I could write the story ONCE and everyone could read it. I didn't have to hear "I'm sorry" a bajillion times a day. I could pick a few minutes during the day to read the comments and have a big cry fest in private. Then it would be over, and I could go back to leading my life. It was very therapeutic then, just as it is now as we are starting the infertility journey again. I can look back at almost two years ago and be reminded about every single step in my journey. Some are good memories, and some are not, but those are MY memories to keep forever now. At some point during my journey, the blog really took off. I had people following me that I did not know. I couldn't figure out for the life of me how they found my (then) unsearchable blog. It was at that point that I decided to become a REAL BLOGGER. I had "traffic", and I wanted to know who they were and where they were coming from.

I did a little research and found a program called Google Analytics. I installed it on my blog and let me just tell you, if you don't have it...GET IT! It has been a great tool, I have also installed a few other programs since then, but this was my first. I occasionally check it (Ok, so maybe I check it DAILY. I would check it hourly but it only updates once a day). Not very surprisingly, most people find me from google. It helps when your blog title has the word "infertility" in it. However the part that I find the most interesting are the keywords that people type into google to somehow stumble across my tiny spot in the cyber universe.

As you can probably guess, most of them read something like this "10dpo BFN", "4dp3dt IVF", "Infertility Overachievers" (thanks Mom for never being able to remember my blog address), and "Womack IVF". However some of them are more entertaining. I probably need to apologize to the poor people who came to my boring blog by way of "Does it snow in London" and also "London Bridge blog". Sorry, I really should have named him something less confusing like John. I made a little mental note of that for baby number two. Anyway, back to keywords. 

About a week ago, I got my first upsetting keyword. It was nothing dirty or disgusting. It didn't make me want to run to the bathroom and puke like some keywords I have heard from other bloggers. The raw emotion in such a simple little sentence just really made my heart break for the author. Keyword: "i want him to say sorry for infertility". When I first started typing this post I had every intention of getting out my soap box and going into a long "You are not separate in infertility...You are infertile is no ones one should ever have to say sorry for their own infertility...blah blah blah" rant. However, the more I wrote about why I started this blog, I  began to remember how devastating primary infertility was on my life, my marriage, and as sad as it sounds, my ego. It was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. What I wouldn't have given for it to be someone else's fault. Anyone else's fault but mine. Someone to blame. Someone to curse at, to yell and scream at, Someone to hold responsible for the horrible hand that I had been dealt. Anyone, anyone but me.

Accepting infertility is a process. It's not like we can just swallow it and say, "Phew, at least infertility won't kill me like cancer will" (Which, on a side note, is the dumbest thing someone said to me in the midst of my battle to have a baby.) Everyone grieves in some way, shape, or form at the loss of the "dream" of naturally conceiving child. A dream you never even knew you had until you heard the dreaded "infertile" word come out of your Doctors mouth. Who am I to judge how this woman is grieving? Who am I to preach at her? I've been there, maybe not in the exact same thought process, but I've been there. We all have.

To the person who found my blog via "i want him to say sorry for infertility":
I hope you are still reading my blog. I know the fact that I am now considered secondary infertility is off putting to some people, but trust me I know how tough this can be. Him saying sorry won't make any of this go away, but I am sure you already know that. I am positive that search was just part of your process. Please feel free to email me if you ever need to chat. I can introduce you to a ton of other women going through this same thing. It's not fair, but we are all in this boat together. I wish I had some beautiful inspiring words to say to you right now, but the truest words are not always written by a poet, so I will leave you with this...


Wednesday, May 5, 2010

10 Dpo = BFN

Well I tested this morning, and of course it was a BFN (Big Fat Negative). It is still really early so I am not about to give up yet. When we did IVF, I was the equivalent to 10 dpo when I got my very first HINT of a second line. Even then I wasn't sure that the second pink line was really even there. So I'm not giving up hope this time. It could still be another 3-4 days before I see anything, if I am really pregnant. I guess I will just have to wait and see. Ugh, but waiting is so hard! Can someone please use the Tivo remote and fast forward my life, just a few days. I can't stand the waiting!!

Don't forget to enter my giveaway. This giveaway is for EVERYONE, you do not need to be a mother or suffering from infertility to enter. Just help up support these causes by entering. Bugaboo Jewelry has some amazing pieces for everyone. Just remember her proceeds go to help couple pay for expensive infertility treatments or adoption. Help us raise awareness for this great cause.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Mother's Day Giveaway!!

** Just wanted to clear something up. This not just a infertility giveaway. This is open to everyone who wants to have children in the future, is currently pregnant, had a baby, m/c, still birth, infant loss, tried (trying) to concieve, tried (trying) to adopt, or know someone who has. THIS is a giveaway for ALL women, all Mother's past, present, and future.  Help us support all of these causes and ENTER to win this amazing necklace!!**

Mother's Day is quickly approaching. For some this is a joyous day filled with celebration, but for others it is just plain torture. This year I think we should celebrate together. Whether you have a living child, an angel baby, or are the midst of trying to conceive or adopt, we are all MOTHERS in our heart. Cliche I know, but it is so very true.  

A few months ago, you might remember, I got my very first "mommy" necklace. I loved it (and still do). One day I just happened to stumbled across Bugaboo jewelry. I immediately loved Kristi's jewelry, but it was her message that really spoke to me. She specializes in  miscarriage, stillbirth and pregnancy-infant loss jewelry. She also donates a portion of her proceeds to an organization that offers financial aid to couples going through fertility treatments or adoption. How amazing is that? 

I am extremely excited to announce that Kristi has been generous enough to sponsor a Mother's Day Giveaway here at The Infertility Overachievers. Now through Mother's Day (May 9, 2010), you can enter to win this amazing necklace.

This piece is made to order so it can be customized just for you. You can change "forever in my heart" to a different phrase, name, or even date that is meaningful to you. This is a piece made just  for YOU this Mother's Day.

Here is how you enter:

Mandatory Entry: 

V isit Bugaboo Jewelry  and leave a comment letting me know which piece is your favorite
 become a follower of my blog. (1 entry)

For Extra Entries

-Go visit BundlesofHope and let me know that you did. (1 entry)

-Make a donation to BundlesofHope (5 entries)

-Follow me on twitter @IfOverachievers or let me know you already do. (1 entry)

-Tweet about this entry and include @IFOverachievers. Example: Enter to win this awesome necklace @IFOverachievers Mothers Day giveaway at  Please RT!  (You may tweet once per day for another entry.  Leave a separate comment and twitter link for each daily tweet.) (1 entry)

-Post about this giveaway on your blog. (Please leave link to your post) (2 entries)

***Please leave one separate comment for every entry.***

Everyone is welcome (and encouraged) to enter .

Contest will end on May 9, 2010 at 11:59 pm EST ( Mother's Day ). Winner will be drawn and announced on May 10, 2010. All entries must have a valid email address listed for contact (or listed on your blog/twitter).  Winner must respond within 72 hours or a new winner will be drawn. 

Saturday, May 1, 2010

The End of National Infertility Awareness Week.

Well today marks the end of NIAW. It has been a good one and I have met some amazing women. I mentioned earlier that I joined twitter recently, and met some even more amazing women struggling with infertility over there. One of the women I met there is Keiko. She made an amazing video for NIAW that I just had to share. Please take a minute to watch it. Each and every time I watch, it brings tears to my eyes. I have thought every single one of those "what IF's" while battling infertility. For my fertile readers, IF is the internet's abbreviation for InFertility. I never realized how fitting that was until I watched this video. Enjoy.

What IF? A Portrait of Infertility from Keiko Zoll on Vimeo.

 On a different note, you may have noticed that I have finally made the switch to my new domain name ( My old link will still work, so there is no need to change any of your links or bookmarks. You may have also noticed that all of my old comments have disappeared. Over the next few days they will slowly start showing back up. Including those of you who entered my giveaway (don't worry, I will restart that in a few days when things get ironed out). You can now comment on my new posts (please do!) and if you commented on an old post I can still see it even if you can not. Hopefully by tomorrow all of those will have merged over to the new site too.

Ok, ONE LAST THING....I have a winner in the cooking contest. Winner will be announced tomorrow. It was a good one so thank you for all of the recipes!

Friday, April 30, 2010

Ding Dong, the trigger is gone!

I tested this morning to see if my trigger is gone from my system and thankfully it is. I can now trust any super faint second line that I might get over the next week. I won't have to sit around and wonder if that squinter is still the trigger leaving my system. Break out your magnifying glasses readers, I have decided to test again FOR REAL on Wednesday. I just don't think I can wait all the way until Friday. So get ready to see squint at pregnancy tests with me as I am sure I will be posting them here. HAHA!

Also, my blog might be acting a little funny for the next few days. I am making the switch to my new domain name It takes a few days for my blog to adjust and for me to add some of the gadgets back on the side, but I promise I will get it all fixed up soon. I am so excited to finally have my personal domain.

OK well I will I better be going. I am entirely too much stuff to get done today.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

2ww and Some Very Exciting News!

7 days of stims are done! The trigger shot is done! The "baby making" is done! Now, we wait. Today I am officially 2 dpo (days past ovulation).  I have to say that this is by far the worst part about trying to conceive. This is the time where you have nothing going on to distract you. There is nothing to stop you from peeing on anything even resembling a pregnancy test even when you know it is impossible to give you an accurate answer. The fact is that at this moment, I could be pregnant. Well, actually I can't be "pregnant" yet, but I might have an 4 cell embryo floating around in there just waiting to make itself at home for the next 9 months.

If this were a few years back, before London, I would already be trying to test out my trigger. I am a little more patient this time around though. Right now I have 4 pregnancy tests in my possession; 2 dollar tree tests (my go to test when frivolously testing early), 1 First Response Early Results (my go to test when testing at about 10-12dpo), and a Clear Blue Easy Digital (my go to test to verify any faint BFP lines that might show up ever so faint). So in case any of you are wondering here is my obsessive testing schedule for this month. On Friday April 30 at 7 dpt (days past trigger) and 5dpo, I will be taking a Dollar Tree test. This is just to make sure my trigger is actually gone out of my system. I will be hoping for a BFN on that day. Then on Friday May 7 at 14 dpt and 12 dpo, I will be taking the First Response Test. If its a BFP, you can go ahead and assume that I will be using the digital test to make sure my eyes are not screwing around with me. If the First Response test is negative, I will be testing again on Sunday May 9 with my last Dollar Tree test just to make sure its really a BFN before calling this cycle a bust. I am setting up this schedule in an effort to show some sort of self restraint this time around. I may need to refer all of my new readers back to this post/picture so they can see exactly what I am talking about. I probably could have paid for half of my IVF with the money I spent buying all 191 of those tests.

This morning I got some very exciting news. I found out that I won my very first giveaway. I won a $25 Amazon gift card from Jeannette over at The Crafty Hippo. I am so excited. I am one of those people who never win anything. She has really inspired me. I have been getting things ready to do my very own giveaway for the last few weeks, but I have been taking my sweet time in doing so. After getting so excited about winning this morning, I decided that I was going to do it NOW. Tomorrow or Thursday, I will announce my very first giveaway here at Infertility Overachievers. It is going to be a good one, so make sure you check back or start following me to find out all of the details. Over the last month, I have noticed alot of new readers/followers. I want to encourage all of you to delurker and post a comment. I would love to read and follow your blogs as well. I love new friends :)

Another bit of exciting news.... As of right now I am now the proud owner of
It may take a few days for the switch to be totally finished, but no worries my current domain ( will forward you to the new one. There is no need for you to update any of your links or bookmarks to my page. Everything will stay the same for all of you, but new readers will have an easier time trying to find me.

Lastly, I want to remind everyone that this is National Infertility Awareness Week. I am kind of hoping that it's a good sign I am starting my 2ww during NIAW. Fingers crossed, that NIAW  will bring me some luck this cycle. Infertility affects 6.1 million people in the U.S. so please visit the NIAW link above or go to and take a minute to educate yourself on infertility.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Trigger Tonight and an Alabama Tree House

So I went to the Dr this morning and it went really well. I had 3 mature follicles. 1 at 18mm and 2 at 17mm and one slacker at 12mm that won't mature in time. Since Mike is gone until tomorrow afternoon, the Dr sent me home with my trigger shot and told me to give it to myself tonight. That way 24 hours later at prime ovulation time, Mike will be home for sure. Let the TWW begin!!!

Ok so now on to the title of this blog. As I have mentioned before, My very awesome friend Sierra has been watching London during all of my infertility appointments recently. She only lives about 10 mins from me, and her house is very nice and in a great neighborhood. Now with that said, there is this brief moment on that short 10 minute drive over that really makes me question why we chose to live in Alabama.  Below is a very bad photo I took on my camera phone while driving today. ( I know I know, but London wasn't with me, and I slowed way down and never took my eyes off the road). I know the quality is crappy, but it is the best I could get from the window of a moving car. Please allow me to explain. What you are looking at is a probably 12+ foot tall tree stump. On top of that tree stump is a plastic little tikes play house like this one. It appears to be resting on a piece of plywood which is some how magically attached to the tree stump. Maybe, just maybe, they don't actually let the kids play in it, right? Oh but they probably do. Can you see the ladder leading right up to the door on the "playhouse"? Can you say, DEATH TRAP??? Oh but for some reason God decided to let this person have children, and I'm the one who is infertile? Really! REALLY?

Welcome to Alabama!!
(Keep in mind, I'm from Georgia so I don't have a whole lot of room to talk either, but this one takes the cake.)

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Hormonal CRASH!

Last night my hormones were OUT OF CONTROL. My husband is gone for the next few days, which is very lucky for him. Unfortunately for him though, I have a cell phone. He wasn't exactly in the best of moods to begin with, and the Army really wasn't helping either. So as he was leaving yesterday we got into a HUGE fight. You might be wondering what the fight was about, so I am going to tell you, NOTHING! Well, nothing big at least. The fight was about a fight that we had the night before because I felt like he snapped at me. Are you with me? Yes ladies (and gentlemen?), we were having an even bigger fight about a fight about something that was trivial to begin with. It was truly an incredible sight.

Me: I can't believe you are not going to apologize for snapping at me last night.
Him: I snapped at you because you were being annoying.
Me: You think I'm annoying? *bring on the water works*
Him: Yes, you are annoying sometimes.
Me: Look now you have made me cry and your still not going to apologize? *thinking to myself that all I really want out of this is a much needed hug and kiss*
Him: *walks over to me and tries to hug and kiss me* How about we just let this go?
Me: No! You snapped at me last night and now you won't apologize for it,  and now your being a jerk and trying to drop it. Don't touch me. Now look who is annoying. I can't believe you, you are such a ass sometimes.  *I walk away, still mad even though he was trying to do what I really wanted him to do*

Seriously what is wrong with me? Oh I wait, I know, almost 900 iu's of Gonal-F. He was trying to do what I wanted him to do (well minus just saying, I'm sorry), but I could NOT let it go. Last night via text this fight got out of control. I said some really horrible things to him. I am seriously in AWWW that he did not ask for a divorce. I cried and I'm pretty sure that at one point I told him he was balding *gasp!*. All married women know that is the one line you never cross. Even if you husband is sporting the Homer Simpson 3 hair comb over, YOU NEVER MENTION IT! My husband has a full head of thick hair, yet just to get under his skin last night I told him he was balding. I'm going to ask it again, what is wrong with me? The funny thing is that last night I felt better immediately after the "I hate Mike" parade of insults was over. Oh how I forgot about how crazy these infertility drugs make you.

Today I felt great. I felt like myself again. Maybe I just needed a good vent at his expense, but thankfully I have an amazing husband who will take it. He may not sit there and just let me yell at him. He definitely gave me a bit of my own medicine last night. However in the words of my awesome husband who loves me unconditionally, "I'm glad we are cut from the same material".

My appointment is at 9am tomorrow.  Fingers crossed that I am going to trigger.  I will update as soon as I can.