Sunday, May 22, 2011

Transition

It seems like my whole life is in transition these days. From infertility to pregnancy. From one child to two.  From Infertility Blogger to Pregnancy/Mommy Blogger. 

Lets start with infertility to pregnancy. This is so hard for me to say and I will probably run and hide from all of the rotten tomatoes that are going to be thrown at me after I utter these words. 

I miss my old life...ehm.....I miss my old life. 

I miss being able to drink wine and eat sushi. Not because I'm so some sushi obsessed wino, although on some days it might be a fair description of me. I miss being able to just think about myself (and London) and not constantly wondering if I'm hurting the new baby. Right now I have to worry about every little thing that I put into my body (yeah I should be doing that while I'm not pregnant, but let's be honest...I don't). I can't overextend myself these days for fear of more bleeding and I can't even eat sandwich meat without dying of some dread disease (well that is what The Bump tells me anyway.)  I'm not complaining. I'm really really not, of course I am grateful for this amazing opportunity to bring life into this world, but that doesn't change the fact that I have to change to do it. 

Change is HARD people!!!

Secondly, I am actually really scared about the transition from one child to two. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. I should have thought about that months ago before I decided to pay thousands of dollars and shoot myself up with dozens of needles just to get into this situation, but it wasn't so scary then. Um, I'm only one person...how am I going to be responsible for two? You want to hear my totally irrational fears? What happens if both London and new baby (Holden) start choking at the EXACT same time? Who do I save first? Am I a nut job or what?! This is the stuff that I think about. 

My last major transition right now is from Infertility Blogger to Pregnancy/Mommy blogger. I feel guilty about making this transition, but what am I supposed to do? I am at a different point in my life right now. I LOVE talking about my struggles with infertility, especially when it helps other people. My email is always open to my readers who have questions about my journey. There is just something plain ridiculous about a pregnant woman STILL ranting about infertility all the time. I was already straddling the fence because I was an infertility blogger with a child. Being pregnant with number two kinda seals the deal. I have so many AMAZING infertility readers that I feel like I'm hurting each and every time I post about my happiness right now. And those who I  just PISS OFF anytime I complain. Trust me ladies I DO understand, I would have rolled my eyes at myself a few years ago. Here is your way out. Unfollow me!!

Seriously, I mean that, and not in a sarcastic way. Unfollow me, if you find my posts difficult to read. It will not hurt my feelings, it will not make me mad at you, and I will not stop following your blog. I love to see success stories but I'm pretty sure I would not have been able to say that same thing some years ago. Even if we are close, I promise I won't be mad. I won't even look at my followers list to figure out who left. I feel horrible saying this but I would hate for you to follow me out of obligation.

I want to being able to write freely without fears of who I am hurting. This is my blog and the whole point is for it to serve as my release. Ideally I wish all of you would stay. I love my readers, but Infertility SUCKS! I know this. So here is your opportunity to tip toe out the back of the room. 

Thanks for reading and I hope to see all of you back (with success stories of your own) one day. Until then, I will be stalking you :)

P.s. Don't forget to stop by my Reviews and Giveaways blog to find out how to enter to win one of ten $25 Homegoods Giftcards!!

12 comments:

Suz said...

I understand {not that I've been there myself} but I get it. You're ok to feel all those things & working your way from one side of the fence to another. Don't worry, I'll keep coming back no matter what you write. I think people want to see the real you & you're doing just that ~ keeping it real.

Aubrey said...

Change IS hard!!! It doesn't matter if you're a mommy or not, as we transition to each new chapter of life, it's impossible not to look back occasionally and wonder. But you'll get there. :) Keep moving forward!

I read your blog because it's about Aly... not the topic of the day.

a field of dreams said...

I love reading your blog! It's about YOU - don't apologise for wrting about yourself and your family.

Chandra said...

Goooood lawd girlfriend...your post is SO the tip of my iceberg. One day, over wine & lotsa more wine, I'll tell you how KKKRRRRAAAZZZYYY I am ....but not now. Enjoy thinking I'm not crazy! I'd be worried if you weren't thinking - how the hell am I going to manage two!

Annie said...

How exciting to find out you're having a little boy! As for transitioning to two kids, I actually found it easier and more fun once I had two kids. They entertain each other! They interact and it's so precious to watch! I hope you are pleasantly surprised when you make the transition, too.

Ashley said...

Loved this post! Although I can't relate on the 2 children (yet...hopefully) I can understand the turmoil over what to blog, etc. Whatever you write I will keep reading. :)

Just the three of us! said...

I can relate. Change is hard, I wanted this pregnancy more then ever, even did IVF but it still stinks when I want some Subway and live in fear of the random bacteria, or some other thing. Totally understandable!! I also wonder about my readers, but figure they won't read if they don't want to.

Erin said...

I am a sushi obsessed wino and being pregnant cramps my style. No rotten tomatoes from me. I am also guilty of many turkey sandwiches. And I don't always heat the meat to steaming.

As much as you want two kids, the reality of it actually happening is a little scary. I would say, even more scary then the transition to one child.

AP said...

I am SO OVER chicken salad and egg salad sandwiches. The other day I had turkey without even microwaving it and it was sinfully delicious. No listeria yet!

Annalisa said...

Write what you want, readers can choose to stay or go. I have two boys and the pain of infertility is STILL there. I dream of just one more but the thought of going back to the baby stage terrifies me since my youngest is 4.5. Anyone can empathize with how you feel.
ps. I thought going from one to two was a piece of cake, and even though they're three years apart they entertain each other all day.

Becca M said...

Seriously, I have been contemplating a similar post. I love the babes but becoming a mommy to 2 tots overnight....yeah, I miss my old life at times. It's normal. I miss being able to go to a concert/out to eat/movie/bar last minute. I know that I will miss having P all to myself when he gets back. Anyone who says that they never miss their "old life" is lying.

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