Monday, October 4, 2010

Who I've Become.

Very few things have changed since Mike got out of the Army. He is still up and out of the house by 5:30 in the morning and he still gets home around 6:00 or 7:00 every night. He still comes home exhausted, plays with London, eats dinner, and then falls asleep on the couch. It's life as usual around here. Yes, some of the bigger stuff has changed. I don't have all of the worry anymore. I know he won't have to deploy and we don't have to plan our life around his training schedule. Things have changed, I have changed.

Mike was gone last week. He left on Monday morning to go to TN for business. No big deal, nothing crazy, nothing dangerous, but he was still gone. I remember when I was an Army wife, I always wanted to cause physical harm when one of my civilian friends complained about their husband being gone for a few days. I wanted to shake them and scream, "It's a freaking week! It's also probably the only week this year that he will be gone! Toughen up, put on your big girl panties, and quit complaining to ME!"  To an Army wife, it's like the ultimate sin for a civilian to complain about their husband leaving for a few days. It's right up there with telling a infertile "Just relax". You.Just.Don't.Do.It.

It wasn't until Friday morning, that I realized I am officially THAT GIRL now. I woke up that morning and all but squealed in delight at the idea of Mike's "homecoming". Yes ladies, I said it. "HOMECOMING!?!?!" I started to think about a cute outfit that I wanted to wear and about getting my hair cut and nails done.  WTF is wrong with me? Back in the day his return from such a short time away wouldn't even warrant me shaving my legs. This time though, I wanted to make signs for the door. Seriously, that thought really crossed my mind. How did I change this much in only a few months? I actually sat in my car as I drove home from dropping him off at the airport and almost broke into tears when I realized I had to watch Glee alone...for one week, not the entire season...just ONE WEEK! I wanted to tweet about it but I quickly decided it was in my best interest to keep that to myself. I felt/feel some serious guilt for having these emotions. I just can't help it.  I guess being a civilian again has changed more than just Mike. I know, I suck!

I feel the need to apologize to all of my Army wife readers. I know I didn't write a whole "Woe is me, my husband has been gone for 36 hours" post but I thought it. That in itself is bad enough.

I promise I will try to be better. I promise I will try not to be That Girl again. This is my life now though. I feel like I turned in more than just my ID Card when Mike got out. Bear with me as I try to figure all of this out.

P.S. Don't forget to go enter to win 250 Die Cut Business Cards. Only 2 days left to enter.


Anonymous said...

It's OK to miss your S/O no matter HOW long they're away. It's different knowing they're going to be gone for 7 days vs. 15 months but you still miss the other person being around.

So it's OK to be excited that he's coming home after only 36 hours. Or whatever the case may be. I get excited when I hear DH open the garage door after a weekend away - or when I pull into the house after a trip away from him. I missed the hugs, the lounging next to each other, watching TV and just falling asleep next to him.

It's a gift and I think it's awesome that no matter how long you've been with someone, you still miss it when it's taken away for even a little bit.

Kakunaa said...

'LOL. You got used to him being around, and you have been lonely, so that it makes it that much harder. It's okay :)

Lora said...

You know what I think?

I think some of it is residual stress from deployments. Seriously, like your brain has been hardwired now to work that way. To PART of your brain it was still a huge deal for him to leave, to part of your brain having him come home still warrants a BIG celebration because its been trained to be that way by the Army.

We all know that you know. We all know that you would never say anything to try and compare one week to one year. But its still ok to miss your husband, and I'm sure once your brain gets reprogrammed you won't feel such extremes when he has to go away for a little.

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

Aw, you missed him. That's a normal thing. I'm glad he only had to go away for a little bit!

corkyshell said...

Haha, D always talks about how "he can't wait to get out" somedays and I explain to him that I don't think much will change except deployments.

Also I think the term "missing" is relative. There are times when he leaves for a few days where I miss him terribly and I remember months going by during the deployment where I just kept trucking through. It's sad that you're afraid to be "woe is me", regardless, your best friend, husband, and father of your baby is not around, and it's perfectly ok to miss him terribly and want him around. We're just so use to "toughing up" and going months and months. A week is a long time! I am glad he is home though!!!!

John said...

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