Thursday, September 23, 2010

Friends

HOW DO YOU MAKE THEM???

I know this is a silly question to ask. This is a skill that I should have learned years ago on the playgrounds of elementary school. I must have learned it at some point because I used to have a very active social life. Then it happened.

Mike got out of the army and we moved to a new town.

I am now finding it all but impossible to make friends. As an army wife it was relatively easy to make friends. Every one was in the same situation. We all needed friends. There was always a wives social or FRG meeting to go meet other wives. I also used to run an online community for army wives, so in a way I had built in friends anywhere we would go.

How do you make friends with out the army?

I am a stay at home mom, so its not like I am going to meet anyone at work. I have tried stalking down other women at the playground. But trust me, you can only do that so many times before you become labeled as the town freak.  Civilians already have friends, they are not trolling the local parks peering from behind trees in hopes of making friends. Ok, I'm not actually THAT bad, but this could explain why I have yet to meet anyone. :)

Even if I did happen to meet some new peeps, I have always hated "friendship dating". You know, that time in the beginning of your new friendship where everything has to be a special occasion to hang out. For example, you have to wait until NEXT weekend to invite her over just because there is a big football game on TV.

Football game = special occasion = no, I'm not desperate for friends, we just happen to be cooking out because there is a HUGE game on.

You can't exactly invite a girl you just met to come over in her PJ's and watch re-runs of old Will and Grace episodes with you. That is more like a "friendship marriage" and that is what I miss. I don't want to have to do a song and dance just to hang out with some new girls. I want to have girl talk, drink to much wine (while I still can), and stay up late giggling like a 12 year old school girls.

So if any of you can please tell me how to meet THOSE type people and skip all the getting to know you hoop jumping then that would be GREAT!!

Friends can't be THIS hard for me to find. In case you don't know, I am a pretty freaking AWESOME chick. I might be a little bias though. :)

 I want my girls Tiff, Amy, Va, and Sierra back!

20 comments:

Kakunaa said...

It is sooo hard to find that. Even with a job, it's difficult to get the "real friend" ball rolling. Hmmm, what do you do for fun? For instance, are you an avid reader? Find a book club at borders or barnes and noble. Crafts? Join a group at michael's. Music? How about local coffee shop shows? Just some possible ideas...I hope you are able to find a way to join in the fun and have a pj night!

Kat said...

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http://www.livinglikethekings.com/2010/09/one-lovely-blog-award.html

Chandra and Jason said...

I know what you mean...I have no advice but only just words to commiserate with you. Seems harder as you get older too, and then throw a kid (or two) in the mix and WOW, that's a whole different layer of crazy! If you get good advice, please share! =) I feel ya....

Sierra said...

COME BACK THEN YOU CAN STOP LOOKING!!!!!! HAHA, I MISS YOU!!!! We should find somewhere in the middle of us and rent a house or something and have a PJ night :o) XOXO Hang in there, at least we are friendless together!

Sierra said...

COME BACK THEN YOU CAN STOP LOOKING!!!!!! HAHA, I MISS YOU!!!! We should find somewhere in the middle of us and rent a house or something and have a PJ night :o) XOXO Hang in there, at least we are friendless together!

Belinda said...

I have a hard time making friends...and I am working :( check Craigs list! maybe they have local playdates for kids AND socialization ;) and the book club thing is a good idea too...Some malls have once a month "mommy" days where single moms meet. My mom used to do that when she stayed home with my brother and I'm pretty sure malls still do that. Reach out to your neighbors, invite someone over for coffee. It sounds like dating, but with friends it really is in the beginning, you have to feel each other out. I wish I had better ideas, good luck!!

Beth said...

I'm having (almost) the same problem. I got married last November and immediately had to move to a different state from family and friends. It's hard making friends at an age when most people already have their tight cliques formed. Your blog here helped me feel I'm not so alone. Thanks. :)

Alexis said...

haha! I have almost the same blog brewing in my head! we'll be out of the Army early next year so I will be in the same boat, so when you find out how to "date moms" let me know!

annoyed army wife said...

I have the same problem, except we've never had an FRG. This is the first one I've been involved with and I live 600 miles away. When you find the magical solution to the friend problem, let me know, k?

Miss Ruby said...

Making friends is H-A-R-D. Though it is apparently easier if you have children because you go to the local park and spark up conversations with other Mum's but that doesn't appear to be working for you either!

Are there any playgroups etc that you could join? Parenting groups?

iclw
#19 rach @ the miss ruby
my iclw post this month -
http://themissruby.blogspot.com/2010/09/iclw-edition-of-learning-to-trust-life.html

Annie said...

Yeah, the park thing doesn't really work out. You'd have to "ask out" another mom on your first meeting - weird. If your library has storytime for kids that can be a good way to meet people. Also a lot of churches often have playgroups for moms with young children.

jenicini said...

I'm completely with you! I hate the friend shopping portion of the relationship. Even in the Army community I find it hard because rank does seem to make a difference for some people (ah hem, that's putting it nicely right?). I hate drama too so....lol. I'm planning on joining a play group to hopefully meet some people once my munchkin arrives.

Lora said...

Have you tried meetup.com?? Thats an easy way to find a mom group to start hanging out with! Good luck in your search, those of us who know you also know any friend would be lucky to have you. I still think you are going to have to go through the "friendship dating" phase though, no matter what. Sorry!

CW said...

What about a mothers group? Gym? Local sporting groups?

Lauren said...

Also an area I have immense difficulty with :-\ The only people I ever see outside of work are people from work. I rely largely on the internet to meet new people! :-\ Get the whole 'dating' part overwith :) This is also my approach to relationships in general though so I'm probably not the best person to give advice on it. Hahaha.

Terry Elisabeth said...

I have been thinking about that for months !
I have started a quest for new friends by registering to some web sites that offer activities so I get to meet people that like the same things I do. I am trying out Meetup, The Social Woman and a local site.
I get to go to drawing classes, zumba classes, to cermaic painting, restaurants...

Happy ICLW

The Gimlins said...

I completely understand. Although we were never a military family, the hubby and I moved to a new town in our first year of marriage. Its been a challenge to make new friends, and it does take time and effort. We are fortunate to have found a great church and have made friends there. Of course, I am still in search of those very dear friends (i.e. to watch a "Friends" marathon in PJ's with), so its still a work in progress. But making those dear friends takes time.

Have you tried a MOPS group at all? I also agree that the library storytime hour would be a great place.

Just keep this in mind: you are probably not the only one at these playgrounds or functions looking to make friends. If you watch closely, you might be able to spot the other ones. But you may have to be the one who is assertive and gets the conversation started.

April said...

It is difficult for me to find friends. I tend to stick with the same people all the time and moving would mean trying to start over from scratch and that thought terrifys me.

ICLW

Rachell said...

It is hard once your 'grown'. And it's even harder when you're a psycho-magnet...yep, somehow or another, I always wind up meeting the 'crazy' one that clings to me like poo. I have one bff who knows me better than I know myself. She lives 10 hours away and we visit at least once a year, but talk daily on the phone. I keep telling my husband that if we move again to please remind me NOT to make friends! I've got plenty now...lol!
Of course, it has dawned on me that maybe *I* am the crazy one...yikes!
iclw

Ashley Baumann said...

So, I have to be honest and say that I am a little dissapointed that I didn't make it into that little list of girls that you want back. I miss you one million percent! I mean, I know we talk all the time, but that whole pj, tv, and wine thing just doesn't happen when you are 2 hours away from me. I have never been good at making new friends so I don't have any great advice for you. But, you are right about you being a very AWESOME person, so just stick with that and someone will come along. If not, then just come back home because it means that you were always meant to be with me. haha :)

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